A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, “Give me all your money or I’ll shoot,” the man shouted, “That’s not what I said!”

A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running out the door. “He was seen hopping and jumping around,” said police spokesman Mike Carey, “with an explosion taking place inside his pants.” Police have the man’s charred trousers in custody.

A man spoke frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the doctor asked. “No, you idiot!” the man shouted. “This is her husband!”

In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Monday, and whatever you do this next year, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here!

q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y

Yogi Berra Quotes

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”

“Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.”

“If the people don’t want to come out to the park, nobody’s gonna stop them.”

“No wonder nobody comes here; it’s too crowded.”

“We made too many wrong mistakes.”

“You can observe a lot by just watching.”

“I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4.” – Yogi Berra

_______________________________________________________

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? ‘Let them eat static.’

Answer: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan! Khan Noonien Singh (Ricardo Montalban), who has illegally commandeered the USS RELIANT, responds to his subordinate after having received standard hailing frequencies from the unsuspecting USS ENTERPRISE.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘I would kill or die to make love to you.’
_____________________________________________________________

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist.” “Now keep ya love lock down, you lose”

Answer: ” Love Lock down” Kanye West! The song “Love Lockdown” was from Kanye West’s album “808s & Heartbreak”. This song was released on September 18, 2008.

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008 try and identify which song or which artist.” “You got me begging you for Mercy why won’t you release me?
_____________________________________________________________

Friday’s Quizzler is..

Answer the following with parts of the body. The first one is free!
1. A strong box (chest)
2. Heard in congress while voting
3. Baby cows
4. A shellfish
5. A unit used to measure distance
6. Scholars
7. Part of a shoe
8. What every builder must have
9. Something made by whips
10. What soldiers carry

ANSWER: 2. Eyes and nose [Aye’s and No’s] 3. Calves, 4. Muscle [Mussel]
5. Feet, 6. Pupils, 7. Heel [Soul and tongue are also acceptable] 8. Nails, 9. Lashes, 10. Arms

Monday’s Quizzler is…

And now for more in the tradition of the Vowel-less Knights:
1. Mnds r lk prchts – th nl fnctn whn pn.
2. Bwr f smll xpnss, smll lk wll snk grt shp.
3. Prblms cnnt b slvd t th sm lvl f wrnss tht crtd thm.

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS AND SWEETJAZZ5! WONDERFUL JOB LADIES!
_________________________________________________________________________________ 

Answers in TUESDAY Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/