WELCOME to Monday, March 7, 2011. Food Laffs….

From Harper’s Magazine:

Amount of pizza eaten each day in U.S. (acres): 75

Found on the seal of a bag of bagels:

          NEW

        IMPROVED

      Made the old

      fashioned way

Sign in a restaurant:

“We reserve the right to serve refuse to anyone.”

Heard on a radio station.

What did the female mushroom say about the male mushroom?

“He’s a real fun guy [fungi].”

Q: Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water?

A: Just spell “Evian” backwards!

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Artichokes … are just plain annoying … After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual ‘food’ out of eating an artichoke as you would from licking thirty or forty postage stamps. Have the shrimp cocktail instead.” — Miss Piggy

“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” –Sam Levinson

“This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn’t say how far to separate them.” — Gracie Allen

“I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.” — Erma Bombeck

“I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.” — Joe E. Lewis

“I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead — not sick, not wounded — dead.” — Woody Allen

“Food is an important part of a balanced diet.” — Fran Lebowitz

“Health food makes me sick.” — Calvin Trillin

“Watermelon — it’s a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face.” — Enrico Caruso

“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” — Robert Orben

G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h

This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got older she became very temperamental. He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last. He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail. He finally had to give up because it had become a real night mare.
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???‘Why couldn’t you ‘a just put the bunny back in the box?’‘

Answer: Con Air
An aggravated Nicolas Cage speaking to a prisoner going through his possessions in the baggage compartment.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???‘Touch me again and I’ll kill ya.’
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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist.“What happened to the dreams to the dream of a girl president, she’s dancing in the video next to 50 Cent”?

Answer: Pink
In 2006, Pink had this catchy hit. It’s very true and the video’s hilarious! This song is from her album “I’m Not Dead”.

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2003-2007 try and identify which song or which artist.“We flying first class up in the sky, we poppin champagne living the life in the fast lane.”

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Friday’s Quizzler is..

Eliminate all 26 letters of the alphabet in alphabetical order, but not necessarily starting with ‘A’, to reveal a sentence.
sohmeitjkimlemsnthopeseqtresasteursvwcaxnydrziaveybcoduesifllgy

Answer: Sometimes these teasers can drive you silly.

Monday’s Quizzler is…

Oxy the Moron set out into the world and learned a big word, OXYMORON!!! After searching about this new word for a some time, he came up with a teaser made especially for you!

Can you figure out which well known oxymorons these words are?
Ex) Initial facsimile = original copy

1) solitary option
2) approximately precise
3) trivial calamity
4) accurate approximation
5) authentic duplication

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! BRILLIANT SOLVING BANKS!

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Answers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/