Workplace insanity…How to maintain it!

Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a
different gender than you.

Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No, I’m sorry, but I’m going to
have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha.”

Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”

Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven’t lost them as much since you did this.

While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.

Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.

Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask him or her if they want fries with that.

Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.  Put your trash can on your desk. Label it “IN.”

Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

Send e-mail messages saying there’s free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none,
lean back, pat your stomach and say, “Oh you’ve got to be faster than that.”

Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce,
I keep the house.” Zsa Zsa Gabor

“I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my
finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.” Rodney Dangerfield

“People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t
realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world,”
Calvin.

“Isn’t your pants’ zipper supposed to be in the front?” Hobbes.
Calvin and Hobbes.

“Cheese… milk’s leap toward immortality.” Clifton Fadiman.

“Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.”John Peers.

“You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax,
tomorrow you’ll be afraid to cough.” Pearl Williams.

“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I’m halfway through
my fish burger and I realize, Oh man….I could be eating a slow learner.”
Lyndon B. Johnson.

“He’s so optimistic he’d buy a burial suit with two pairs of
pants.” Chuck Tanner.
G u a r a n t e e d to R o l l Y o u r E y e s

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride.  While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, the
farmer’s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. It was a shock to all no matter their feelings toward
her demanding ways.   At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake
his head no, and mumble a reply.  Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.  The farmer replied, “The women would say, ‘What a terrible tragedy’ and I would nod my head and say, ‘Yes, it was.’ The men would then ask, ‘Can I borrow that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, ‘Can’t. It’s all booked up for a year.'”

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘What are you gonna do, bleed on me?’ Answer: Monty Python and the Holy Grail. This is an excellent, but odd movie. You either LOVE it or HATE it, there is no in between. The quote was said to the Black Knight as they are trying to pass across the bridge.

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? ‘How does it feel to be stuffed like a turkey?’

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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “They say you can’t turn a bad girl
good, but once a good girl’s gone bad, she’s gone forever.” Answer: Jay-Z. This lyric is from “Song Cry”.

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “You can trust me not to think, and
not to sleep around, and if you don’t expect too much from me, you might not be let down.”

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..

Can you find the eleven hidden colours in the following paragraph:  Many injured animals are invited to live at the ‘Toronto Range’. Stop in kangaroo
corner and marvel at the lovely creatures within. Dig over the potato patch to find small furry caterpillars, but don’t yell! Owls can be found swooping for
edible rodents, earwigs or perhaps bluebottles in the undergrowth. The brown bear, Rob, lacks grace and may look like an ogre, enter at your own risk!
Peacocks can be found showing their colourful wares, which look fantastic when viewed with our ultraviolet torch.

Answer: Many inju(red) animals are invited t(o live) at the ‘Toront(o Range)’. Sto(p in k)angaroo corner and marvel at the lovely creatures with(in. Dig o)ver the potato patch to find small furry caterpillars, but don’t (yell! Ow)ls can be found swooping fo(r ed)ible rodents, earwigs or perhaps (blue)bottles in the undergrowth. The (brown) bear,
Ro(b, lack)s grace and may look like an o(gre, en)ter at your own risk! Peacocks can be found showing their colourful wares, which look fantastic when
viewed with our ultra(violet) torch.

Thursday’s Quizzler is…

Find five geographical terms by adding one of the given letters to each word and rearranging the letters. Each letter will be used only once.
F I O P Y
1. Steep + ? =
2. Raven + ? =
3. Store + ? =
4. Along + ? =
5. Serge + ? =

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! WAY2GO BANKS!

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Answers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to
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