Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday April 23, 2012.  Make Women Happy: FINALS

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the points system:

HER BIRTHDAY
* You take her out to dinner…………….0
* You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar….+1
* Okay, it is a sports bar……….-2
* And it’s all-you-can-eat night….+3
* It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team……-10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
* Go with a pal…………………….+4
* The pal is happily married…………+5
* Or frighteningly single……………-7
* And he drives a Ferrari……………-10
* With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED)……..-15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
* You take her to a movie……………+2
* You take her to a movie she likes…..+4
* You take her to a movie you hate……+6
* You take her to a movie you like……-2
* It’s called Death Cop 3……………-3
* Which features Cyborgs that eat humans….-9
* You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans…..-15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
* You develop a noticeable pot belly………….-15
* You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of  it………………………….+10
* You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy  Hawaiian shirts…….-30
* You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.”……-800
THE BIG QUESTION (a no win question)
* She asks, “Do I look fat?”
* You hesitate in responding…..-10
* You reply, “Where?”…………-35
* Any other response………….-20
COMMUNICATION When she wants to talk about a problem:
* You listen, displaying a concerned expression…… 0
* You listen, for over 30 minutes………………..+5
* You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the  TV…………………………….+100
* She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep….-200
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post. – George Bernard Shaw

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. – George Bernard Shaw

With sixty staring me in the face, I have developed  inflammation of the sentence structure and

definite hardening of the paragraphs. -James Thurber

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.Thinking he’d try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said “Just hit the ball toward  the flag on the first green.” The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.  “Now what?”, the fellow asked the speechless pro. “Uh… you’re supposed to hit the ball into the cup” the pro finally said,  after he was able to speak again. The retiree replied, “Oh great! NOW you tell me!”

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???
‘You are really on my very last nerve. You are a mind-boggling pain in my  rear end.’ Answer: U.S. Marshalls. Tommy Lee Jones, Wesley Snipes, and Robert Downey Jr. all star in this great movie.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???
‘Guns don’t kill people – postal workers do.

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
You are an expert on paranormal activity and have been hired to locate a spirit
haunting an old resort hotel. Strong signs indicate that the spirit lies behind one
of four doors. The inscriptions on each door read as follows:
Door A: It’s behind B or C Door B: It’s behind A or D Door C: It’s in here Door D: It’s not in here
Your psychic powers have told you three of the inscriptions are false, and one is true.
Behind which door will you find the spirit?
ANSWER:The spirit lies behind Door D.
If the spirit is behind Door A, then both B and D are true.
If the spirit is behind Door B, then both A and D are true.
If the spirit is behind Door C, then A, C, and D are all true.
If the spirit is behind Door D, then the statements on all the doors are false, except for that on Door B. This matches the rules, and therefore, the resort hotel spirit lurks behind Door D.Smile with tongue

Monday’s Quizzlers is………. Below are 3 pairs of words. Find the words that fit in the middle of each pair of words to create two new words, one front-ended and one back-ended.
Example: EVER – ______ – HORN Answer: EVER – GREEN – HORN
1. BREAD – _________ – CAKE 2. WATER – _________ – READ 3. CHECK – _________ – LESS

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also

if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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