Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday April 20, 2012.  Make Women Happy; Part 1: Duties at Home. 

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES* You make the bed ………………..+1

* You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows…. 0

* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets……………….-1

* You leave the toilet seat up………….-5

* You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty………… 0

* When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex…-1

* When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom………..-2

* You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings…..+5

* in the snow……………+8

* but return with beer……….-5

* and no liners………………..-25

* You check out a suspicious noise at night……. 0

* You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing………… 0

* You check out a suspicious noise and it is something……….+5

* You pummel it with a six iron………..+10

* It’s her cat…………………….-40 (Sorry Carrie!LOL!)

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Friday people, and whatever you  do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
“A new report found that high schools across the country are not doing enough to teach kids about safe sex. But on the bright side, it looks like we’re getting a fifth season of ‘Teen Mom.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“It’s a great day if you like paying your taxes. It is your patriotic duty. If nobody paid taxes, imagine what the country would be like. America would be flat broke. All right, we’d be more flat broke.” -Craig Ferguson

“In case you’re wondering where your tax dollars go, 21 percent goes to Medicare and Medicaid, 20 percent to social security, 20 percent to defense spending, and the other 39 percent they squander.” -Jimmy Kimmel

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
English professors love to catch the errors students make in their term papers, and they love nothing better than to catch mixed metaphors. The “friends and survivors” of Calvin College English department collected this list of mixed
metaphors and posted them on their web site:
“He swept the rug under the carpet.”
“She’s burning the midnight oil at both ends.”
“It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire.”
“It’s time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard.”
“She’s robbing Peter to pay the piper.”
“He’s up a tree without a paddle.”
“Beware my friend…you are skating on hot water.”
“Keep your ear to the grindstone.”
“Sometimes you’ve gotta stick your neck out on a limb.”
“Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter.”

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???
‘Oh, great. You get the girl, I get the coroner.’  Answer: L.A. Confidential. Said by Kevin Spacey.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???
‘You are really on my very last nerve. You are a mind-boggling pain in my  rear end.’

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Each sentence below contains a word that can be anagrammed to answer or describe the sentence. Example: Craft that might tip in the ocean.Answer:  Canoe (Anagram of ocean) 1. You cover a mattress with one of these 2. Dangerous thing for an alcoholic to begin 3. Feature on which a tire might be rated 4. Feeling about a poisonous adder 5. Weapon that a cavalryman bears 6. It doesn’t necessarily bring rain, but it could.    ANSWER: 1. Sheet  2. Binge  3. Tread  4. Dread 5. Sabre or Saber  6. Cloud

Friday’s Quizzlers is……….
You are an expert on paranormal activity and have been hired to locate a spirit
haunting an old resort hotel. Strong signs indicate that the spirit lies behind one
of four doors. The inscriptions on each door read as follows:
Door A: It’s behind B or C Door B: It’s behind A or D Door C: It’s in here Door D: It’s not in here
Your psychic powers have told you three of the inscriptions are false, and one is true.
Behind which door will you find the spirit?

LaughTongueLaughSadConfused HATS OFF MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING TODAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY!

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also

if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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