Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


WELCOME to Tuesday, April 25, 2017.   

Ponderings for the day……
Whatever happened to preparations A through G? (Do we really want to know?)
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
So what’s the speed of dark?
Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
If “con” is the opposite of “pro,” then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
Why do we wait until a pig is dead to “cure” it?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
War doesn’t determine who’s right, just who’s left
It’s a dog eat dog world out there. And they’re short on napkins.
Never trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Married people don’t live longer than single people. It just seems longer.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“I read that after the success of their in-store cafes, Ikea might open its own restaurants. Which is great, until you have to assemble your own table.” -Jimmy Fallon
“An archaeologist is claiming he has discovered an amazing lost city in Kansas. Then he realized he just got drunk and watched ‘The Wizard of Oz.'” -Conan O’Brien
“A packet of McDonald’s discontinued Szechuan sauce from 1998 just sold on eBay for nearly $15,000. This has created such a buzz that McDonald’s is thinking of bringing the Szechuan sauce back. To which the guy who just spent 15 grand said, ‘Wait, you’re going to what now?'” -James Corden

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Also known as ‘women’s intuition,’ this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what’s going on in their man’s lives almost better than they do.
Why is this?
In the early 80’s researchers discovered that women have more connections between the brain’s two hemispheres than men do. It’s these connections that allow them to put together a puzzle from seemingly unconnectable pieces…  That, and they go through your stuff while you’re in the shower. 😔

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

‘Come on! Come on! Where are you? You are in the clouds, and we are in a basement!’
ANSWER: The Goonies! Stef says this to Andy after they all go down into the basement to see Sloth, and Andy talks about how cute Brandon is. 
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
 ‘You asked that we should say things — that we should say what we’re thinking and not lie about things.
Well, I can tell you that…that I lost my gun today — and I am not a good cop.’
Monday’s Quizzler is……….  
I’m seven times seventy,
Plus a decade more.
This has all happened before.
Red and gold, I am no liar.
My nursery will be made
From my funeral pyre.
Who am I?
ANSWER: The phoenix! The phoenix, in mythology, is a fabulous bird that periodically regenerated itself, used in literature as a symbol of death and resurrection. According to legend, the phoenix lived in Arabia; when it reached the end of its life (500 years), it burned itself on a pyre of flames, and from the ashes a new phoenix arose. As a sacred symbol in Egyptian religion, the phoenix represented the sun, which dies each night and rises again each morning. According to Herodotus, the bird was red and golden and resembled an eagle.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….  

The abbreviation used for Australian websites is “au” (instead of “.com”). The answers to the following clues all use this abbreviation. The clues do not refer to the words themselves, rather they refer to the word that must be added to the “au”.
1. What might happen to you if you stay out in the Australian sun too long.
2. A strong Australian breeze.
3. Australian seasoning.
4. The Australian god of thunder.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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