Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday, June 14, 2017.                    
Really Bad Analogies 101…..
The wheel of love had left its tread marks in his chest once too often, like a knobby mud tire on a monster truck, or like a really big ponce wheel, the kind that tailors use to punch little holes in patterns and that would leave lots of nasty little welts if you were to run it up and down your arm.
I saw her sitting at the bar. I approached. “Hello,” she said in a voice so husky it could pull a dogsled.
Mitzi’s wet T-shirt clung to her torso like paint on the nose cone of a jumbo jet.
Captain Burton stood at the bow of his massive sailing ship, his weathered face resembling improperly cured leather that wouldn’t even be used to make a coat or something.
The sun rose over the horizon like a great big radioactive baby’s head with a bad sunburn, but then again it might just have been that Lisa was always cranky this early in the morning.
Jane was toast, and not the light buttery kind, nay, she was the kind that’s been charred and blackened in the bottom of the toaster and has to be thrown a away because no matter how much of the burnt part you scrape off with a knife, there’s always more blackened toast beneath, the kind that not even starving birds in winter will eat, that kind of toast.
As Fiona slowly drew the heavy velvet curtain aside, her eyes smoldered black, deep, and dark as inside the lungs of a coal miner, although it would be black in anyone’s lungs if you could get in there because there wouldn’t be any light, even in the pink ones of people who don’t smoke.
Having O.J. try on the bloody glove was a stroke of genius unseen since the debut of Goober on “Mayberry RFD”.
We are all like those little pink and blue plastic people in the game of Life.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.😱
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
He spoke with wisdom that can only comes from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
AND that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?”
–Dick Cavett
“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.”
–Joan Rivers
“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”
–Phyllis Diller
“In heaven all the interesting people are missing.”
–Friedrich Nietzsche
“Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.”
–Alfred Hitchcock
“Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.”
–Frank Zappa
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
It’s a bad week for the stock market. Helium was up, but feathers were down. Paper was
stationary, but pencils lost a few points. Elevators rose but escalators continued their slow decline. Switches were off and mining equipment hit rock bottom. The raisin market has dried up. Pampers remained unchanged while Sun peaked at mid-day. Scott tissues touched a new bottom.😐😎
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘Did you know that by mixing equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate you can make napalm?’
ANSWER: Fight Club! Tyler Durdin just knows everything doesn’t he? 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
  ‘It’s not brave if you’re not scared.’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.
1a) to wriggle
1b) a member of the British gentry
1c) a small forcible stream of liquid
2a) this color is a blend of red and yellow darkened by black
2b) the top of the head
2c) to cover with water
3a) more recent
3b) rubbish
3c) a written communication
4a) very common color
4b) a high-pitched plaintive cry
4c) although
ANSWER: 1) squirm, squire, squirt  2) brown, crown, drown  3) latter, litter, letter  4) white, whine, while

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….   
It was Louis Ixolite’s bedtime and as usual he wanted a bedtime story.
He was a bright young man and had managed to communicate in Rebuses before he could speak.
Daddy asked Louis which story he would like to hear and Louis scribbled down the following Rebus in crayon.
Soybeans “blah blah blah”
Jack “blah blah blah”
Kidneybeans “blah blah blah”
What story did Louis want to hear?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at

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