WELCOME to Tuesday, June 27, 2017.
A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went; then it dawned on me.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
I didn’t like my beard at first, but it grew on me.
I dropped out of socialism class because of lousy Marx.
I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
Why is 10 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
When chemists die, they barium.
Velcro! What a rip off!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“Discovery Channel is promoting its upcoming Shark Week by promising to have Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps race a great white shark. But don’t tell him! It’s a surprise!” -Seth Meyers
“Goodwill has returned almost $100,000 in cash that was mistakenly donated to them in a black duffel bag. A spokesman for Goodwill said, ‘We’re not very bright.'” -Conan O’Brien
“A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn’t sound too bad to me. You’d probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway.” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Back during the days of the former Soviet Union, a fellow by the name of Gerald Chattington had a friend in the Soviet Embassy by the name of Rudolph Nosov, who would drop by occasionally. One evening, Gerald and his wife, Peg, were sitting in the kitchen chatting when Gerald looked out the window and said, “Look, it’s snowing.” Rudolph looked out and said very quickly, “No, I think it is just rain.” “I’m sure it is snow,” insisted Gerald. “And I am just as sure that it is rain,” said Rudolph. At this point Gerald turned to Peg to settle the argument. Peg looked out the window for a moment, then said, “What can I say? Rudolph, the Red, knows rain, dear.”😎
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Fifty bucks, Grandpa. For seventy five the wife can watch.’
ANSWER: Pretty Woman! Kit Deluca says this while waiting at the hotel registration desk.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book when shouldn’t it be the other way around?’
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
When Question Mark unlocked the door, he thought that he would see his wallet straight away. But Skid Mark (Question’s brother) decided to put the wallet in a safe. The combination is three 2-digit numbers which can be expressed like this: xx-xx-xx
You are given the following clues to work out the combination:
The total of the three numbers is 39.
The second number is half of the third number.
The first number is the third number minus 1.
Can you find Question’s wallet in time? It’s all up to you.
ANSWER: The combination is 15-08-16. Thank you for helping Question get his wallet back.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
A Name Train is a puzzle where each name is connected together like box cars in a train. You are given the first car (the Engine) and the last car (the caboose), and you have to fill in the car or cars in between. Every two consecutive cars will form a name of a person or character. Joan [ ] Li. The answer is Joan Jet Li (Joan Jet-Female singer, Jet Li-Actor) Ready? OK here goes:
1. Matthew [ ] Mason
2. Bruce [ ] Majors
3. Larry [ ] [ ] Fonda
4. Ashley [ ] [ ] Mandela
5. Rick [ ] [ ] [ ] Luther
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/