WELCOME to Thursday, June 29, 2017.
A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.
Practice safe eating—always use condiments.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
He used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
He often broke into a song because he couldn’t find the key.
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. ‘Taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
The man blotting his wet shoes with newspapers, explained, “These are The Times that dry men’s soles.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“I’ve been trying to say ‘I love you’ more often, starting this morning. I said it to my family before I left the house. And then to my barista. And then to her manager, when the barista complained that one of the customers was making her uncomfortable.” -Stephen Colbert
“According to a recent study, men on dating sites are more popular if they mention dancing or cooking. Because if there’s one thing women love, it’s a man who can lie.” -Seth Meyers
“A man and his 75-year-old mom survived being lifted out of their home during a tornado by sitting together in a bathtub. The man said the tornado didn’t traumatize him but being in a bathtub with his mother did.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
There was a poor, distraught man sitting at the bar of his local watering hole, just staring into his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble-maker walks through the door; leather biker jacket, neck-beard, tattoos and sunglasses. He sees the poor, lonely man, moping at the bar by himself and decides to have a little fun. Walking up to the bar he reaches over and grabs the guy’s glass and drinks it down in one go.
Immediately the poor man starts crying. The bully says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”
“No, it’s not that,” the man replies, wiping his tears. “It’s just that this has been the worst day of my life. First, I oversleep go in late to the office. My boss losses his temper and fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, and when I get out, I forget my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with my neighbor. So I left my home, come to this bar, and just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”😎
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘This compulsive fornicator is taking my father for the proverbial ‘ride’.’
ANSWER: The Big Lebowski
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘I like history too and maybe when this is all over we can visit the souvenir shop together, but right now…I just wanna find some rockets!’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Which letter comes next in the following sequence?
S, H, E, R, A, W, E, B, __
ANSWER: B. Why? Each group of three consecutive letters forms a word: she, her, era, raw, awe, web, ebb.
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Hidden below you will find five uncommon titles to five classic novels. Can you decipher them?
1. Vanished with the Tempest
2. Enmity of the Globes
3. Dinky Maidens
4. A Chronicle of a Couple of Municipalities
5. Contention and Conciliation
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙏🙇
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/