Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday, July 12, 2017.                          
Worst Country-Western Songs #2(Really)
I Wish I Were a Woman (So I Could Go Out With a Guy Like Me)
I Would Have Wrote You a Letter, But I Couldn’t Spell Yuck!
It Don’t Feel Like Sinnin’ To Me
I’m Gettin’ Gray From Being Blue
If You Can’t Live Without Me, Why Aren’t You Dead Yet?
Would Jesus Wear A Rolex On His Television Show?
You Hurt The Love Right Out Of Me
I Sat Down On a Beartrap (Just This Morning)
I Sent Her Artificial Flowers For Her Artificial Love
Mama, Get The Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head)
Heaven’s Just A Sin Away
She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
I Was Looking Back to See If You Were Looking Back to See If I Was Looking Back to See if You Were Looking Back at Me
Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart
If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I’d Find On You
Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You
Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
Gave Her My Heart and a Diamond And She Clubbed Me With a Spade
I Don’t Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
Going to Hell in Your Heavenly Arms
If Whiskey Were A Woman I’d Be Married For Sure
It Ain’t Love But It Ain’t Bad
Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim’s Gettin’ Better
I Wouldn’t Take Her To a Dog Fight, Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win
I’ve Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
She Feels Like A New Man Tonight
I May Be Used (But Baby I Ain’t Used Up)
I Hate Every Bone in Your Body (Except Mine)
I’m The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
If Drinkin’ Don’t Kill Me Her Memory Will
Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
If You Can’t Feel It (It Ain’t There)
Your Negligee Has Turned To a Flannel Nightgown(Every man’s song)😎
You’re The Hangnail In My Life, And I Can’t Bite You Off
You Changed Your Name From Brown to Jones, and Mine From Brown to Blue
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. – Spike Milligan
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. – Mark Twain
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was “Shut Up”. – Joe Namath
I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap. – Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. – W.C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. – Will Rogers
Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. – Winston Churchill😁😎
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Food one-liners……
The snack bar next door to an atom smasher was called “The Fission Chips.”
On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack.
A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job. He keep favoring curry.
A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills.
The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.
A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he suffers from pickled hearing.
Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.
Sign in restaurant window: “Eat now – Pay waiter.”
I thought you were trying to get into shape? I am. The shape I’ve selected is a triangle.😐
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“Well, man may be an angel. But he darn well must be a killer angel.”
ANSWER: Gettysburg! Starring Tom Berenger (Longstreet), Martin Sheen (Lee),
and Jeff Daniels (Chamberlain). One of the soldiers says this about the war. 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“Weeping willow with your tears running down / why do you always weep and frown?
/ Is it because he left you one day? / Is it because he could not stay?”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.
1a) to wriggle
1b) a member of the British gentry
1c) a small forcible stream of liquid
2a) this color is a blend of red and yellow darkened by black
2b) the top of the head
2c) to cover with water
3a) more recent
3b) rubbish
3c) a written communication
4a) very common color
4b) a high-pitched plaintive cry
4c) although
ANSWER: 1) squirm, squire, squirt  2) brown, crown, drown  3) latter, litter, letter  4) white, whine, while 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….   
It was Louis Ixolite’s bedtime and as usual he wanted a bedtime story.
He was a bright young man and had managed to communicate in Rebuses before he could speak.
Daddy asked Louis which story he would like to hear and Louis scribbled down the following Rebus in crayon.
Soybeans “blah blah blah”
Jack “blah blah blah”
Kidneybeans “blah blah blah”
What story did Louis want to hear?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at

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