Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday, July 19, 2017.   
Employee Handbook….
 
DRESS CODE
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress somewhere in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
SICK DAYS
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
PERSONAL DAYS
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
RESTROOM USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders” category.
LUNCH BREAK
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.
THANK YOU!
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week! MANAGEMENT
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 
“It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.”
–Walt Disney
“Concentration comes out of a combination of confidence and hunger.”
–Arnold Palmer
“For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.”
–Johnny Carson
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Ode to cranky men…
I chanced to pass a window
While walking through a mall
With nothing much upon my mind,
Quite blank as I recall. I noticed in that window
A cranky-faced old man,
And why he looked so cranky
I didn’t understand. Just why he looked at ME that way
Was more than I could see
Until I came to realize
That cranky man was ME!
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“Know what these are?” “Presidential flashcards?”
ANSWER: That Thing You Do! Starring Steve Zahn (Lenny), Liv Tyler (Faye), and Tom Everett Scott
(Guy). When the Wonders are getting paid after their first gig, Lenny has this conversation with the owner of the restaurant.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 “Truth is, I help horses with people problems.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….   
I wear the face of a leader of men. My financial worth is small and my
appearance not impressive, yet my presence is a passport to any country
and society. I have the entree alike to the boudoir and the armed; I
penetrate to royal palaces and to the far corners of the earth. In my
youth I am bright and fresh looking; later, my face is marred and
disfigured and I am cast aside as nothing; but when I am very old I am eagerly sought,
and a safe refuge is provided for me, where I am exhibited to admiring visitors. What am I?
ANSWER: A Postage Stamp
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….    
In this teaser you are to try and discover the quotation concealed in the lines. The quote has
been broken up into two-letter fragments. Furthermore, I have removed any punctuation and
jumbled the two-letter fragments about so the word order has been disarranged. You have to
rearrange the quotation and decide where the words begin and where they end. Good luck!
he fo ay od if et ve pl on of mu si cb lo
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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