WELCOME to the weekend, July 21, 2017.
She’s so fat, she’s got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
She’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic.
He’s as sharp as a bowling ball.
You sound reasonable. It must be time to up my medication!
She’s so ugly, the fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
She’s so wrinkled, her mother was a Shar Pei.
He went to the doctor complaining about all the beauty marks, but he needs all the help he can get.
Does your face hurt, because it’s killing me!
He’s a couple of terrorists short of a Jihad.
He’s so dumb, he sits on the TV and watches the sofa.
You’re so ugly, when you go into the bank they turn off the surveillance cameras.
Her driveway doesn’t go all the way to the road.
Thinks he’s a real wit. He’s half right.
In a battle of wits she’s unarmed.
The oven’s on, but nothing’s cooking.
He’s a little too tall for his blood supply.
When I think of all the people I respect the most, you’re right there, serving them drinks.
I haven’t been ignoring you; I’ve been prioritizing you.
Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
No, those pants don’t make you look fatter. I mean, how could they?
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
Don’t look forward to the day you stop suffering, because when it comes, you’ll know you’re dead. – Tennessee Williams
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives. – Sue Murphy
We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads. – Vlade Divac
There are days when it takes all you’ve got just to keep up with the losers. – Robert Orben
Happiness to a dog is what lies on the other side of the door. – Charleton Ogburn
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s
called EVERYBODY, and they meet every evening down at the bar. – Drew Carey
Silence is foolish if we are wise, but wise if we are foolish. – Charles Caleb Colton
Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. – Thomas Edison
Sweat is the cologne of accomplishment. – Heywood Hale Brown
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it much more personal and sincere.😎
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
“Maybe there won’t be marriage, maybe there won’t be sex, but by God there’ll be dancing!”
ANSWER: My Best Friend’s Wedding! Starring Julia Roberts (Jules), Cameron Diaz (Kimmy),
and Rupert Everett (George). George says this to Jules at the wedding reception.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“Did we hit that little boy over on 6th avenue?” “No we missed him by a good foot and a half.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
In each sentence a word is concealed, such as the word no in sentence five. If you can find the buried words and read them in order from 1 to 6, they will form a well-known proverb.
1.The word buried here has only one letter.
2.Did you find a jelly roll in Gaskin’s Bakery?
3.It’s the best one I’ve ever seen.
4.The rug at her stairway was made in India.
5.He’s an old friend.
6.Amos sold his bicycle to a friend.
ANSWER: A rolling stone gathers no moss.
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
In Flanders fields, where once was blood,
From battles for so few yards of mud,
I woke from such slumber deep,
And mocked the blood the havoc wreaked.
But now I show our future hope,
And enable veterans to cope,
By provoking memories of blood,
Before new battlefields can flood.
What am I?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/