Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday, July 28, 2017.                              
One Liners 101…………
If I got a penny for everyone I’ve met who is as beautiful as you,
I’d have all the money in the world.
Some people have skeletons in their closet. I have a whole graveyard!
I bet you I could stop gambling.
I think I’m agnostic, but I haven’t decided.
I can’t get enough minimalism.
I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
Do ten millipedes equal one centipede?
A liberal is just a conservative that hasn’t been mugged yet.
Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope.
Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope.
If Helen Keller had ESP, would you say she had a fourth sense?
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
Have you been to Wal-Mart lately? You have to be 300 pounds to
get the automatic doors to open.
I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.
Take everything in moderation. Including moderation.
There are two rules for success: 1.) Don’t tell all you know.
Some days it’s not worth chewing through the straps.
Do not follow, for I may not lead. Do not lead, for I may not follow. Just go over there somewhere, please?
Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.
If at first you don’t succeed, try left field.
When at the window at the unemployment office, loudly say, “I didn’t get to where I am today by listening to people like you!”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“We hear of the conversion of water into wine at the marriage in Cana as of a miracle.
But this conversion is, through the goodness of God, made every day before our eyes.
Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, and which incorporates itself with the grapes, to be changed into wine; a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy.” -Benjamin Franklin
“Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them
and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to
have dinner with.” Jill Shalvis
“Good wine makes good blood, good blood causeth good humors, good humors
cause good thoughts, good thoughts bring forth good works, good works carry a
man to heaven, ergo, good wine carrieth a man to heaven.” James Howell
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

I was waiting tables in a noisy lobster restaurant in Maine when a vacationing Southerner stumped me with a drink order. I approached the bartender. “Have you ever heard of a drink called ‘Seven Young Blondes’?” I asked. He admitted he’d never heard of it, and grabbed a drink guidebook to look it up. Unable to find the recipe, he then asked me to go back and tell the patron that he’d be happy to make the drink if he could list the ingredients for him. “Sir,” I asked the customer, “can you tell me what’s in that drink?”
He looked at me like I was crazy. “It’s wine,” he said, pronouncing his words carefully, “Sauvignon blanc.”😐
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“May those who love us, love us. And those who don’t love us — may God turn their hearts. And if He cannot turn their hearts, may He turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping.”
ANSWER: Keeping the Faith! Starring Edward Norton (Brian), Ben Stiller (Jake), and Jenna Elfman (Anna). The bartender says this to Brian after hearing his story.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 “Obviously, Doctor, you have never been a thirteen year old girl.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….   
Insert one word in each pair to link the two words together. The end of the first word is the beginning of the second.
1. Rain___Tie
2. Tooth__Tale
3. Sea____Hole
4. Circuit__Yard
5. Third___Board
6. Stone__Flower
7. High___Star
ANSWER: 1. Bow  2. Fairy 3. Port  4. Court   5. Base   6. Wall  7. Five

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….    
What is the meaning of this rebus?
marcus Brutus
john wilkes Booth
Billy the kid
Bonnie parker
clyde Barrow
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at

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