Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday, August 7, 2017.     
Favorite Police Emergency Calls: 
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don’t know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I’ve never cooked one before.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What’s the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn…I think I’m going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn….
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“A five-year-old girl who ran a lemonade stand in London was fined $195 for not having
the proper trading permit. See, this is why I make my kids open their lemonade stands
offshore on the Cayman Islands.” -James Corden
“According to Vanity Fair, the Queen of England has four alcoholic beverages every day,
including a glass of champagne before bed. Champagne before bed? Who does she
think she is, herself?” -Seth Meyers
“A new study finds that George Clooney has the most handsome face because of his eyes,
nose, chin, and mouth. In other words, he has the most handsome face because of his face.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. A Swiss guy in New York is looking for directions, so he pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.
“Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he asks.
The two Americans just stare at him.
“Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?” he tries. The two continue to stare.
“Parlare Italiano?” No response.
“Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, “Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.”
“Why?” says the other. “That guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good.”😐


Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
 “Let me out, let me out, let me out!” “Let me in, let me in, let me in!”
ANSWER: The Lion King! A friend of mine said this quote not too long ago, and it took us forever to think of the movie that it was from. This was right after Timone and Pumba distracted the heyenas for Simba. Timon went running into the cave where Zazu was locked behind bones. Timon wanted in to the cage to hide, and Zazu wanted out of the cage to get away.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“Blinkin! What are you doing up there?” “Guessing. I guess no one is coming.”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….   
Unscramble the words below, then take the letters from each word as instructed to form another word that is the answer to this teaser:
SENHA – Take letters 1 & 2
HSAET – Take letters 1 & 5
ZPIRE – Take letters 1 & 3
RYPA – Take letters 1 & 2
Unscramble the letters you collected… what do you get?
ANSWER: SENHA Take letters 1 & 2 – ASHEN – A & S   HSAET Take letters 1 & 5 – HASTE – H & E  ZPIRE Take letters 1 & 3 – PRIZE – P & I

RYPA Take letters 1 & 2 – PRAY – P & R
Unscramble the above to get ‘Sapphire’.  The sapphire is a beautiful gemstone that is
available in all the colors of the sky. Though primarily available in blue, it also comes in
different hues of the sky like pink, orange and purple associated with sunset.
Sapphire is mostly associated with sympathy and harmony.

Monday’s Quizzler is……….    
I, Professor Picanumba, will amaze and astound you. Take a piece of paper and
write any word on it. Fold the paper in half twice, and put it on the floor.
Now stand on it. Believe it or not, I will now tell you what is on the paper.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at

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