Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday, August 8, 2017.      
Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What exactly is a “whack”?
Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” and “no chance” mean the same thing?
Why do tug boats push ships?
Why do we sing “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”, when we’re already there?
Why do we sit in the stands at the ballpark?
Why is it called “After Dark”, when it’s really “After Light”?
Why are a “wise man” and a “wise guy” completely different?
Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things?
Why is “phonics” spelled that way?
Why is bra singular and panties plural?
Why do we put a suit in a garment bag, and garments in a suitcase?
Why is abbreviate such a long word?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why do they call it a TV set when there’s only one?
Why do we sit around a dead tree and eat candy out of socks at Christmas?
Why is it called rush hour when you don’t move?
Why isn’t there a speed of dark?
Why are animals made out of meat if we’re not meant to eat them?
Why is it that when you attempt to stop something from falling off the table, you manage to knock something else over?
Why aren’t there father-in-law jokes?
Why couldn’t the Professor on Gilligan’s Island fix a boat if he could make a radio out of coconuts?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“Elon Musk recently announced that the government has approved a plan for something
called a ‘Hyperloop’ that will transport people between New York and D.C. in just 29 minutes. Apparently this thing shoots people through a tube at 700 miles an hour! And, when you arrive in New York it drops you straight off at Macy’s so you can buy a clean pair of underwear.” -James Corden 
“A couple recently got married on a roller coaster at a Massachusetts amusement park while their wedding guests were on the ride with them. And this is cool – the reception was open barf.” -Seth Meyers
“A new article states that millennials have terrible conversational skills. When asked for comment, millennials texted a series of crying frowny faces.” -Conan O’Brien 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when the came upon this great trout brook.
They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.
At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience.
Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, “This is the place!”.
The other replied, “No, it’s not!”.
The first man said, “Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side.
To which the other man replied, “Silly, you can’t tell a brook by it’s clover.”😐😎
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“Blinkin! What are you doing up there?” “Guessing. I guess no one is coming.”
ANSWER: Robin Hood: Men In Tights! It’s a Mel Brooks movie, so of course it’s funny!
This was the part where the blind servant of Robin, Blinkin, was on the watch tower trying to be the look out.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“Sweet? Where do you get off? Where do you get sweet? I am dark and mysterious, and
I am PISSED OFF! I could be very dangerous to all of you! And you should know that about me… I am THE ENEMY!”
Monday’s Quizzler is……….   
I, Professor Picanumba, will amaze and astound you. Take a piece of paper and
write any word on it. Fold the paper in half twice, and put it on the floor.
Now stand on it. Believe it or not, I will now tell you what is on the paper.
ANSWER: Your foot is on the paper. (Look down if you don’t believe me.)
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….    
There is a word in the English dictionary that has 3 double letters in a row.
What is it?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/


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