WELCOME to Monday, August 14, 2017.
Thinking Out Loud on Monday…………..
- I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
2. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
3. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
4. What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
5. I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
6. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
7. What do you call a frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope. 😁
8. What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.😐
9. So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world.
10. How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.
11. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
12. Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
13. I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
14. This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
15. My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said “40”
16. I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters. It’s shift work.
17. Communism jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.
18. What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Aye matey.
19. What do the movies titanic and the sixth sense have in common. Icy dead people.
20. Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines.
21. Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other “I need
you to help me get to the other side!” The other guy replies “You are on the other side!”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… “Taco Bell announced it will begin selling a potato-rito, which is beef, cheese, potatoes, and chipotle spice wrapped in a tortilla for $1. Or, for the same nutritional value, just eat the dollar.” -Seth Meyers
“The Mars Curiosity Rover celebrated its fifth year in space by humming ‘Happy Birthday’ to itself.
The Rover then drank a bottle of white wine and cried itself to sleep.” -Conan O’Brien
“Vin Diesel is with us tonight. Vin is not his real name. His real name is Vehicle Identification Number.” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Two friends meet in the street. The one man looked rather forlorn and down in the mouth. The other man asked, “Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?”
The sad fellow said, “Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me ten thousand dollars.”
“I’m sorry to hear about the death, but a bit of good luck for you, eh?”
“Hold on, I’m just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me twenty thousand, free and clear.”
“Well, you can’t be disappointed with that!”
“Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost one hundred thousand dollars.”
“Incredible… so how come you look so glum?”
“Well, this week…nothing!”😐
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
“They used to call me Crazy Joe. Well now they can call me Batman!”
ANSWER: Lean On Me! The principal Joe Clarke says this while holding a baseball bat in
the new school that he has been assigned too. They’ve made quite a few movies that resemble this particular movie.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“I don’t shut up, I grow up and when I look at you I throw up.”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Four brothers make this royal band,
Mixed and handed out from stacks,
Three with sword and one with axe,
A strong force when held by one hand.
What does this refer to?
ANSWER: The kings in a deck of cards! The hint refers to the last line in the riddle, because four kings, or four of a kind, beats a full house, or cramped dwelling.
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Fill in the words that are empty by using words that will connect with the previous one.
EXAMPLE: Towel, Rack. (You have the words Towel and Rack, but when put together it becomes “Towel rack”.)
Try to connect tool to chain.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/