Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday, August 15, 2017.         
Signs of the times……
SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE: “We will heel you. We will save your sole. We will even dye for you.”
Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”
On a Septic Tank Truck: “Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels”
At an Optometrist’s Office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
On a Plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”
On another Plumber’s truck: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: “Invite us to your next blowout.”
On an Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”
On a Maternity Room door: “Push. Push. Push.”
In a Veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
In a Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”
In the front yard of a Funeral Home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
In a Chicago Radiator Shop: “Best place in town to take a leak.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“According to a new study, people who live near trees are richer, smarter, and healthier
– and people who live in trees make more cookies.” -Seth Meyers
“Wal-Mart is testing out an app that would allow shoppers to skip the checkout line.
Currently that service is known as shoplifting.” -Conan O’Brien
“Brace yourself, because Kraft has announced that they’ve gone natural. I first assumed that natural meant they were doing their products in the buff. But they mean they have removed all artificial preservatives, flavors, and dyes from their classic Mac and Cheese recipe. I don’t get it. I was not aware, first of all, that a packet of orange dust was a technically a recipe.” -Stephen Colbert
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….Harvey’s grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop.
In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Harvey, “Vat sims to be ze problem?”
Harvey says, “I’m not sure, but it doesn’t go ‘tick-tocktick -tock’ anymore. Now it just goes ‘tick…tick…tick.'”
The old man says, “Mmm-Hm!” and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit.
He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock.
He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face.
Then he says in a menacing voice, “Ve haf vays of making you tock!” 😎



Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“I don’t shut up, I grow up and when I look at you I throw up.”
ANSWER: Stand By Me! Gordie tells the group to ‘shut up’, and in unison Vern,
Chris and Teddy reply with their cute little quote that everyone’s heard.

I liked the story line, and the friendships between the guys that Gordie remembers and talks about.
I don’t know how many of you used to say this to your friends or family members, but I know I did!
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 “Where do you live?”
“In the city.”
“You have a house?”
“Own or rent?”
“What do you do for a living?”
“Lots of things.”
“Where’s your office?”
“I don’t have one.”
“How come?”
“I don’t need one.”
“Are you married?”
“How come?”
“It’s a long story.”
“You have kids?”
“No I don’t.”
“How come?”
“It’s an even longer story.”
“Are you my Dad’s brother?”
“What’s your record for consecutive questions asked?”
“I’m your Dad’s brother alright.”
“You have much more hair in your nose than my dad.”
“How nice of you to notice.”
“I’m a kid – that’s my job.”
Monday’s Quizzler is……….   
Fill in the words that are empty by using words that will connect with the previous one.
EXAMPLE: Towel, Rack. (You have the words Towel and Rack, but when put together it becomes “Towel rack”.)
Try to connect tool to chain.
B_ _
C_ _
K_ _
ANSWER: Tool  Box  Car  Key  Chain 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….    
Can you decipher this phrase:
1) Rib
2) Rib <—
3) Rib <—
4) Rib
5) Rib <—
6) Rib
7) Rib <—
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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