Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Thursday, November 30, 2017.                           
Signs of the times…… 
“We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you.”
Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
In a Podiatrist’s office:
“Time wounds all heels.”
On a Septic Tank Truck:
“Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels”
At an Optometrist’s Office:
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
On a Plumber’s truck:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”
On another Plumber’s truck:
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
“Invite us to your next blowout.”
On an Electrician’s truck:
“Let us remove your shorts.”
On a Maternity Room door:
“Push. Push. Push.”
In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
In a Restaurant window:
“Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
“Best place in town to take a leak.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and 
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

“For the first time ever, more than half of all senior citizens in the U.S.
are using the Internet. Yeah, I read that when my grandma sent the
entire story to me in the subject line of an email.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A teenager in Arkansas was arrested after he was caught driving without
a license on his way to the DMV to take a driving test, tried to flee, and
crashed into a police car. On the plus side, it sounds like he was probably
going to fail anyway.” -Seth Meyers
“Today two men dressed as Batman and Captain America tried to rob someone
at a gas station. They’re being charged with attempted robbery and
mixing Marvel with DC.” -Conan O’Brien


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
While I was working in the men’s section of a department store, a woman asked
me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband.
When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face
brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs.
“I don’t know his size,” she said, “but my hands fit perfectly around his neck.”😐
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
 ‘You’re money and you don’t even know it.’
ANSWER: Swingers! Double Down continually calls his mates ‘money’. 
Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘I’m the dude, dude.’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
My story whispers ancient lore;
The force at times my rings will hide.
I’ve sixty minions, maybe more:
Those unseen, these by my side.
Wand’ring far from glowing light,
Shape-shifting puzzles curious eyes;
Oft my glorious rings shine bright,
While men debate my family’s size.
My aspect seems to wax and wane,
As the force dictates the deed;
My namesake ruled vast fields of grain,
But, legends tell, devoured his seed.
What am I?
ANSWER: The planet Saturn!  Saturn is named after the Roman god of the harvest. When the force of gravity causes Earth’s orbit to take us into the plane of Saturn’s rings, they seem to disappear, and the shape of the planet appears to change. Most of Saturn’s 60 or more moons are visible only through strong telescopes. The sixth planet from the Sun in the Solar System, Saturn receives little heat and light. There is still controversy about the number of planets in the “family” of the Solar System. With the demotion of Pluto, some say there are eight planets. However, counting Pluto and also the dwarf planets Eris and Ceres, others would say there are eleven known planets. As the god of the harvest, Saturn ruled over all agriculture. Because he feared his children were about to kill him, he devoured them.

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Six words have had their sharp things removed. The sharp things have been placed into Group A. The remaining letters of each word have been placed into Group B. Your task is to reconstitute the words by merging each sharp thing with the proper set of letters. Other than merging the two groups together, there is no rearranging of the letters. Example: sand + pne = spanned (SpANneD).
Group A: brad, nail, pin, piton, spike, stake
Group B: eeve, insrai, raha, rnlr, ufesbe, waebst
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at

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