WELCOME to Friday, December 1, 2017.
Knowledge from the book of Mom……
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house, 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound [3 stone] boy wearing batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 foot room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘uh oh’ , it’s already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCRs do not eject ‘PB & J’ sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odour is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens
20. The fire department in Austin, Texas has a 5-minute response time.Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
25. Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without permission.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“Amazon announced that teens can now shop on their parents’ accounts,
but the order will only go through if Mom and Dad approve it.
Or if they click the button that says, ‘Mom and Dad approve it.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“A company has come out with a line of medical marijuana dog treats.
Finally a medicine that will help my dog lie on the couch all day.” -Seth Meyers
“According to a new report that just came out, the average college freshman
reads at a seventh grade level. Or if you’re an optimist every seventh
grader now reads at a college freshman level.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in and sits down.
After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Eric what the problem is.
“Well,” said Eric, “I ran afoul of one of those trick questions women ask. Now I’m in deep trouble at home.”
“What kind of question?” asked Tom.
“My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was old, fat and ugly.”
“That’s easy,” said Tom. “You just say ‘Of course I will'”.
“Yeah,” said Eric, “That’s what I did, except I said, ‘Of course I DO….'” 😐
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘I’m the dude, dude.’
ANSWER: The Big Lebowski! Another absolute pearler of a movie.
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Six words have had their sharp things removed. The sharp things have been placed into Group A. The remaining letters of each word have been placed into Group B. Your task is to reconstitute the words by merging each sharp thing with the proper set of letters. Other than merging the two groups together, there is no rearranging of the letters. Example: sand + pne = spanned (SpANneD).
Group A: brad, nail, pin, piton, spike, stake
Group B: eeve, insrai, raha, rnlr, ufesbe, waebst
brad + eeve = bereaved (BeReAveD)
nail + ufesbe = unfeasible (uNfeAsIbLe)
pin + raha = piranha (PIraNha)
piton + insrai = inspiration (insPIraTiON)
spike + rnlr = sprinkler (SPrInKlEr)
stake + waebst – wastebasket (waSTebAsKEt)
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Boudreaux, a master dartsman, was bragging to his bar mates that he was such a consummate player, he could hit the dartboard in any location at will.
“I’ll wager a hundred dollars that, no matter what position you name on the board, I’ll be able to hit it.”
Thibedeaux, tired of Boudreaux’s windbaggery, shouted out an answer.
Boudreaux stammered for a few moments and at first refused to pay. The other bar patrons, however, made sure he held up his end of the wager. Boudreaux slammed a hundred dollar bill on the counter and stormed out.
Where on the dartboard did Thibedeaux suggest?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙏🙏🙏🙇🙅🙅
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/