WELCOME to Tuesday February 13, 2018.
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch.
Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with
someone you don’t want to be seen with. (Or when you’re having a really bad hair day…)
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last
Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you
to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy’s Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. (In my case, this is known as “The Parking Lot Law” – I park our new car as far away from the building entrance and other cars as I can. There are 35 vacant parking spaces between me and the nearest vehicle. When I return to my car, I can’t even open the driver’s door because of the banged-up old pickup parked snugly next to me – and there are still 33 unoccupied parking spots all around us.)
Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
Brown’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
“A prop phaser gun from the Star Trek TV show recently sold for $231,000 at an auction
making it the most expensive thing you can point at someone right before they
beat the crap out of you.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Teachers at nine universities are using a new technology that can tell if students are actually reading their textbooks. Let me save you some time. They’re not.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“A new study came out that shows that the germiest place in your kitchen is the refrigerator’s vegetable drawer. After hearing this, most Americans said, ‘We have a vegetable drawer?'” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He told me, ‘I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.’ I continued, ‘Well, then why are you crying?’ He added, ‘She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.’
I said, ‘Well, why are you crying?’ He said, ‘For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then we cuddle until the small hours.’
I inquired, ‘Well then, why in the world would you be crying?’ He replied,
‘I can’t remember where I live.’…. 😐😏
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘If I could only eat one food for the rest of my life, that’s easy. PEZ. Cherry flavored PEZ. No question about it.’
ANSWER: Stand By Me!
Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
Ralphie- ‘I want an official Red Ryder Carbon Action…’
Mom- ‘No…You’ll shoot your eye out…’
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
The following is a true story. My friends and I were enjoying the atmosphere (and food) at an authentic English pub in town. We all ordered tea, and the barmaid brought us all our preferred variety. She passed by each of us and asked, “Would you like milk or lemon?” One of my friends simply said “Yes” and quickly poured a bit of milk and squeezed a lemon wedge into his cup. He passed the milk back to the young lady
who smiled and said “I’ll be right back with another cup for you, sir.”
My friend was confused at first, but upon her return he was happy to have a fresh cup. What had happened to necessitate a new cup of tea?
ANSWER: My friend was unaware that you NEVER add milk AND lemon to your tea as the citric acid in the lemon will cause the proteins in the milk to curdle, making for an unpleasant cup of tea indeed. The young lady had seen this happen before and moved quickly to remedy the problem. Afterwards, she only teased him a little about it.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
This is another of my rhyming word ladders. Most people will have to work forwards and backwards to get all ten words.
The old adage says to do this again.
Add one, make a city of fame way back when.
OY becomes IP and you’ll have a nice fall.
Change I to A and you’ll catch it all.
Insert an M: make an invention of Chaplin.
Change T to C and with pain you’ll be grapplin’.
Replace second with H: a winner for sure!
Lose second to last: you’ll want balm for a cure.
Drop the H to make something to go on your head.
Change one and an adage will leave this thing dead.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!
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