Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

img_20022018_154256_0

WELCOME to Wednesday May 2, 2018.

Paraprosdokians…..
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good Evening,’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, ‘In case of emergency, notify: ‘I put ‘DOCTOR.’
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t

forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

———————————————————————————————————–

DAILY QUOTES...

Cheese, wine, and a friend must be old to be good.
Cuban Proverb

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. Ernest Hemingway

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working with one.
Bill Gates

When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course.
Peter F. Drucker

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s
how dogs spend their lives. Sue Murphy

———————————————————————————————————

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
It’s a bad week for the stock market. Helium was up, but feathers were down. Paper was stationary, but pencils lost a few points. Elevators rose but escalators continued their slow decline. Switches were off and mining equipment hit rock bottom. The raisin market has dried up. Pampers remained unchanged while Sun peaked at mid-day. Scott tissues touched a new bottom.😎

———————————————————————————————————

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

‘I thought we were going to be together forever, and then out of the blue she sends me a John Deer letter.’

ANSWER:

Dumb & Dumber! Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels were talking in a hot tub about previous relationships.

Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day!

‘If the movie’s being shot on Friday, and today’s Tuesday, that means we have…8 days.’

——————————————————————————————————-


Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a
different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.

1a) inexperienced
1b) to address with expressions of kind wishes
1c) unreasonable selfish desire

2a) highly skilled
2b) to conform
2c) to accept formally and put into effect

3a) a committee for judging and awarding prizes
3b) conceal or hide
3c) violent anger

4a) a rounded shape
4b) spoken
4c) a gemstone

I saw the happy pair pass by,
Newly wed midst joy and acclamation,
One simple English word thought I,
Exactly summed the situation.
But years have passed and love is slain,
And now they go divergent ways,
For they have been divorced.
Again, one word quite fits the case.
The second word is like the first,
Two central letters just reversed.

ANSWER:  

 UNITED-UNTIED.


Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
In each of the following words, three letters, indicated by *’s, are missing. Each missing triplet is the name
of an animal. Can you fill them in so that each creates a common word?

EDU***ION
PRE***SOR
BR***RY
PY***ID

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Posted In

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s