Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday May 29, 2018.

Gender………
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about thefuture until he gets a wife. 😱

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful womanis one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all. 😐

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die. 😁😱😎

Any married man should forget his mistakes-there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change & she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman: before marriage & after.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES...

“Most Americans said they still like Facebook, but they don’t trust it. So basically, people
feel the same way about Facebook as they do about the McRib.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Some royal wedding guests are already selling their gift bags on eBay. In fact, today

Queen Elizabeth made 60 bucks.” -Conan O’Brien

“Hasbro has filed to trademark the scent of Play-Doh. Hasbro describes the scent as a ‘sweet, slightly musky vanilla fragrance with slight overtones of cherry, combined with the smell of a salted wheat-based dough.’ While kids are describing it as ‘delicious.'” -Seth Meyers

  

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop pretty high, the zoo officials put up an 8-foot fence. The next morning, however, the kangaroo was out again, idly roaming around the zoo.

The zoo officials raised the height of the fence to ten feet. Again, however, the next morning the kangaroo was again roaming about the zoo. This kept on, night after night, until the fence was 20 feet high.

Finally, the camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?”

The kangaroo replied, “Who knows? Maybe 50 feet. Unless somebody starts locking the gate at night.” 😁😎

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

“My cousin needed a ride to his brother’s wedding in Tijuana; so he called the Émigrés, man. They’ll deport the entire wedding party, man. They get a free bus ride across the border and lunch. When the wedding is over, man, they’ll just come back across the border.”


ANSWER: Up In Smoke!

“Up In Smoke” was the comic duo of Cheech and Chong in their first movie. Pedro and Anthony met by chance on a California highway. They were deported to Mexico and were desperate to get back to the United States. They agreed to drive a van back across the border, and did not know that the van was made of marijuana. During the movie, they avoided the police, whom they did not know were following them. This was said by Pedro when he was talking to Anthony, shortly before they were all deported to Mexico.
Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day!
“Oh I ain’t saying you did or you didn’t. All I’m saying is that you could have robbed banks, sold dope or stole your grandmother’s pension checks and none of us would have minded, but shaving points off of a football game, man that’s un-American.”
Friday’s Quizzler is……

They use me to build castles, but I’m not a brick.
They use me to make hands, but I’m not a finger.
I’m international, and cosmopolitan. I’m very often in Monte Carlo, Las Vegas, Atlantic City and even in Punta del Este.
I’m not alive but I have 81 hearts.
What am I?

Answer: 

I’m a deck of cards.
Because there are 52 cards plus two jokers in a deck, the total is 54.
If you count all the hearts drawn in the 13 cards of hearts, you’ll find 81.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Starting with a one-letter word or abbreviation, add a letter and rearrange the letters to produce the next. A clue is given for each.

Maybe your car does 0 to 60 in 10 sec., but can you do this “0 to 10” in 60 sec.? Go on – get out the stopwatch!

The hint provides the starting letters of the even numbered words.

1. Ford model, known as “Tin Lizzie”
2. @
3. Traitor (slang)
4. Not before the horse, please!
5. Track down; discover
6. Collected by bees
7. Convinced, beyond any doubt
8. Completed in 6 days, according to Genesis
9. “Ashes to ashes”
10. Power and authority; significance

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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