WELCOME to Friday May 25, 2018.
2. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
3. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
4. Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite and you’ll eat less.
5. If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
6. If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don’t they actually counteract each other?
7. Money talks. Chocolate sings.
8. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
9. Q: Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A: Because no one wants to quit.
10. Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.
11. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn’t that handy?
12. If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can’t eat all your chocolate, what’s wrong with you?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Memorial weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
– Steven Wright
“Creativity is a drug I cannot live without.”
– Cecil B. DeMille
“Truth is what stands the test of experience.”
– Albert Einstein
“Well, a study has found that having a cat makes you 40 percent less likely to die of a
“Wal-Mart is planning to reduce its healthcare plan for new employees. Which explains why today, my greeter was like, ‘Hello, welcome to Wal-Mart. Would you mind checking out this mole?'” -Jimmy Fallon
“According to a new study, children who are spanked are twice as likely as those that aren’t spanked to get into fights and destroy things which is probably why they get spanked in the first place.” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
“How disappointing,” the man replied. “Could you ask the chef to make an exception?”
“He doesn’t have anything to do with it!” says the waitress indignantly.
“Hmmm,” do you know anywhere around here where I could get a quickie?”
“I’m SURE I don’t know,” answers the waitress loudly.
A patron from the next table leans over and taps the man on the shoulder,
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
ANSWER: Miss Congeniality.
Gracie Heart, an FBI agent, went undercover in the Miss United States pageant to prevent a bombing there. The pageant showed some interesting sides to the contestants. Miss Rhode Island said this when asked to describe her “perfect date” at the pageant.
Maybe your car does 0 to 60 in 10 sec., but can you do this “0 to 10” in 60 sec.? Go on – get out the stopwatch!
The hint provides the starting letters of the even numbered words.
1. String for a guitar (or maybe even for wearing?)
2. “Exempli gratia”
3. Stage of a journey
4. Narrow valley, in Scotland
5. Messenger from God
6. Friendly, affable, or cheerful
7. Genealogy or ancestry
8. Jelly base (older spelling)
9. Uplifting or moving up
10. One who preaches, hoping listeners will convert; Gospel writer
Answer: 1. G
They use me to make hands, but I’m not a finger.
I’m international, and cosmopolitan. I’m very often in Monte Carlo, Las Vegas, Atlantic City and even in Punta del Este.
I’m not alive but I have 81 hearts.
What am I?