Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday May 24, 2018.

For those who Take Life Too Seriously…

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set
2. A day without sunshine is like, night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges
10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
11. Remember half the people you know are below average.
12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
13. Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
20. I intend to live forever – so far so good.
21. Borrow money from a pessimist – they don’t expect it back.
22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
23. My mind is like a steel trap – rusty and illegal in 37 states.
24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
25. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
26. Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
27. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
28. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
29. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
30. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t  forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES...

“Saturday was Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s wedding. Millions of Americans woke up at 4 a.m., turned the royal wedding on TV and thought, ‘Wait, what am I doing with my life?'” -Jimmy Fallon

“Google has created several new emojis aimed at empowering women. So congratulations women, you asked for equal pay and you got five new emojis.” -Conan O’Brien

“A 70-year-old woman in India recently gave birth to a baby boy. The baby and his mother are doing fine. The doctor, however, is still recovering.” -Seth Meyers


  

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A  recent college graduate took a new job in a hilly Eastern city and  began commuting
each day to work through a tiring array of tunnels,  bridges and traffic jams. To make
the task less onerous, he invited  several of his co-workers to share the ride. He soon
found, however,  that the commute continued to get more stressful, especially the trips
through the tunnels. He consulted the company doctor.  “Doc,”  the frustrated commuter
complained, “I’m fine on the bridges, in the  traffic, in the day and at night, and even
when Joe forgets to bathe all  week long. But when I get in the tunnels and I’ve got those
four other  guys crowded around me in the car, I get anxious and dizzy and feel like
I’m going to explode.”  Without further analysis, the doctor announced he had identified
the ailment.   “What is it, Doc? Am I going insane?”  “No, no, no, my boy. You have
something very common in these parts.”  “Tell me! What is it?”
“You have what is known as Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.”

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

 “I don’t need a reason to be angry with God.”

ANSWER:  A Walk to Remember!
Jaime Sullivan, the daughter of a preacher, and Landon Carter, a local bad boy, spent time together, that helped him through school punishments he was given. Landon fell in love with Jaime, and found out she had leukemia for the past two years. Jamie said this to him after she told him that she had leukemia.

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!
 “That’s a tough one. I would have to say April 25th. Because it’s not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……

Mr. Jones filed a lawsuit against the company he worked for. He claimed that the company he worked for was drugging him to make him a better worker. He claimed that the coffee the company provided contained a drug called Trimethylxanthine.
Trimethylxanthine is an addictive drug that increases alertness, improves concentration, and gives you a euphoric feeling.  It operates using the same mechanisms that amphetamines, cocaine, and heroin use to stimulate the brain only to a lesser
degree. When the coffee was tested it was found that it did contain large amounts of Trimethylxanthine. But, Mr. Jones did not win his lawsuit. Why?

Answer:  Trimethylxanthine is also known as caffeine. 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Starting with a one-letter word or abbreviation, add a letter and rearrange the letters to produce the next. A clue is given for each.

Maybe your car does 0 to 60 in 10 sec., but can you do this “0 to 10” in 60 sec.? Go on – get out the stopwatch!

The hint provides the starting letters of the even numbered words.

1. String for a guitar (or maybe even for wearing?)
2. “Exempli gratia”
3. Stage of a journey
4. Narrow valley, in Scotland
5. Messenger from God
6. Friendly, affable, or cheerful
7. Genealogy or ancestry
8. Jelly base (older spelling)
9. Uplifting or moving up
10. One who preaches, hoping listeners will convert; Gospel writer

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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