WELCOME to Tuesday July 24, 2018.
Today I just wanted to thank everyone for taking the time and trouble to send me “forwards” and “important” news over the past 12 months. Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope. Also, I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper, since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put “Under God” on their cans. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with meningitis. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants, even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a cologne sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from, nor send packages by, UPS or FedEx since they are actually radical Jihad in disguise. I no longer answer the phone, because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or 3 legs. I no longer have any sneakers — but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. I no longer have any money because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 258th time) but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and Apple are sending me for participating in their special email program.
Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that *I will now return the favor! If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 6:00 p.m. Minneapolis time this very evening. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!😁😎
DAILY QUOTES… “Expedia released their rankings of the most annoying drivers in America. For the 15th year in a row, the most annoying driver on the road is every driver but you. The survey says the least popular passengers are backseat drivers. I would have said carjackers.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“A restaurant in China forces customers to solve complex math problems before they can order their meal. The restaurant has no plans to expand to the United States.” -Conan O’Brien
“New documents reveal that when Vincent Van Gogh cut off his ear, the woman he sent it to was a cleaner, not a prostitute as previously thought. You know, because otherwise it would have been weird.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. My uncle was giving me the grand tour of his house. The bathrooms had excessively mirrored walls but his wife preferred not to look at herself in such a compromising position. She even went so far as to place a “modesty plant” so that it obscured the view. Now I don’t think there is anything wrong with mirrored walls in the bathroom. I told my uncle: “You should be able to sit and reflect.” 😎
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? Chief Gillespie attempts to belittle his new partner by attacking his name and his dark skin and then asks him what they call him back in Philadelphia. “They call me MR TIBBS!” is the classic retort he receives.
ANSWER: In the Heat of the Night! Poitier plays Detective Virgil Tibbs – a stranger in town, a black man and, worse, a man whose station is higher than the police chief’s in Sparta, Mississippi. Steiger’s bigoted Chief Gillespie’s dislike of Tibbs is palpable and he’s just been put in his place by Tibbs when he looks to take the above cheap shot at him. Tibbs seems to rise to a greater height and puffs his chest out as if to fill the room when he delivers his pointed reply.
Set in a small Mississippi town where the townsfolk seem to have a deep hatred and mistrust of anyone who is an outsider, a black detective and the white local police chief must (grudgingly) work together to solve a rather unusual murder. Directed by Norman Jewison the film would win five Oscars including the coveted Best Picture. “They call me MISTER TIBBS” was listed as number 16 on the American Film Institute’s 100 Years…100 Movie Quotes. In 1970 it would also become the name of the sequel to this picture.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die”?😁
Monday’s Quizzer is……. In this teaser you must place a 3-letter word on the dashes to complete a word on the left and to begin another word with those letters on the right.
Example: e a r _ _ _ m e = e a r T H Y/ T H Y m e
1. f e a t _ _ _ o i c = ?
2. c o u r _ _ _ n d a = ?
3. d i s p _ _ _ o v e r = ?
4. k e e _ _ _ s i s t = ?
5. r u n _ _ _ i c e = ?
Answer: 1. featHER / HERoic
2. courAGE / AGEnda
3. dispLAY / LAYover
4. keePER / PERsist
5. runOFF / OFFice
Tuesday’s Quizzer is…… Can you figure out what A.A. Milne was referring to in this verse from his “When We Were Very Young” book?
She wore her yellow sun-bonnet,
She wore her greenest gown;
She turned to the south wind
And curtsied up and down.
She turned to the sunlight
And shook her yellow head,
And whispered to her neighbor:
“Winter is dead.”
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#
|Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store
Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store