Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday July 26, 2018.

HOW NOT TO COMMIT A BANK ROBBERY
Here are some easy lessons gleaned from the experiences of
a number of would-be bank robbers.

Pick The Right Bank:
You don’t want to make the same mistake as the fellow in
Anaheim, CA, who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer
in business and had no money.

Study Your History:
Don’t try to stick up the First National Bank of Northfield,
Minnesota. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the
townsfolk took just seven minutes to kill two and capture
three of his gang. Nobody tried again until 1984, and the
customers chased the guy down. They’re tight with their
dollar, those Minnesotans.

Speak To The Right Teller:
One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note to the teller,
and her father, who was in the next line, got all bent out
of shape about it. He wrestled the guy to the ground and sat
on him until authorities arrived.

Don’t Sign Your Demand Note:
Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena
issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh… on an
envelope bearing the name and address of another in Detroit.
And in East Hartford, Connecticut, on the back of a with-
drawal slip giving the robber’s signature and account number.

Don’t Advertise:
A teenage girl in Los Angeles tried to distract attention
from her face by wearing a see-through blouse with no bra
while holding up banks.

Go Easy On The Disguise:
One robber, dressed up as a woman with very heavy make-up,
ran face first into a glass door. He was the first criminal
ever to be positively identified by lip-print.

Take Right Turns Only:
Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a
wrong turn into the Homestead Air Force Base, drove up
to a military police guardhouse and, thinking it was a
tollbooth, offered the security men money.

Be Aware Of The Time:
Imagine the chagrin of the bank robber in Cheshire,
Massachusetts, who hit the bank at 4:30 PM, then tried to
escape through downtown North Adams, where he was trapped
in rush hour traffic until police arrived.

Consider Another Line Of Work:
Bank robbery is not for everyone. One nervous Newport, RI
robber, while trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into
his shirt pocket, shot himself in the head and died
instantly.

Be Strong:
Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal in Swansea,
Massachusetts, who, when the teller told him she had no
money, fainted.  He was still unconscious when the police
arrived. His getaway car parked nearby had the keys locked
inside.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!😁😎

 

 

 

DAILY QUOTES…  “Tomorrow is National Tequila Day. While the day after that is National ‘Janice From HR Wants to See You in Her Office’ Day.” -Jimmy Fallon

“It’s Shark Week. The Discovery Channel gets big ratings every year for this. Meanwhile, do you know how many people are killed by sharks every year? I looked this up today. Five. There are five shark fatalities per year in the world. We are deathly afraid of an animal that kills fewer people than Tide pods.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A California town recently opened a drive-thru marijuana dispensary, or as they’re more commonly known, a Taco Bell.” -Seth Meyers

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. As the lone female in our house, I find that certain male habits have really begun to get on my nerves. One day, I emerged from the bathroom completely exasperated when I bumped into my husband.
“What is it with guys that they won’t replace the toilet paper?!” I raged.
“I know,” he said, nodding in agreement. “I noticed that when I was in there earlier.” 😎

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???   “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world he didn’t exist”

ANSWER: The Usual Suspects! In “The Usual Suspects” (1995) a boat has been destroyed and all the criminals on board are dead… except one, Roger “Verbal” Kint. The key to solving this mystery lies with him. And so begins the interrogation of Kint who proceeds to weave a convincing though twisted and convoluted story that you, the viewer, marvel at. Well have you have been deceived? Kint uses the above line when he introduces the Keyser Soze into his story, an almost mythical underworld figure that is akin to the boogeyman, a figure that parents may invoke upon their children should they misbehave. But who is this Keyser Soze? Is it Kint? Is it Kobayashi?  As the interrogator Dave Kujan says; “Convince me, and tell every last detail.

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Miss Jean Louise, stand up. Your father’s passing.”

 

Wednesday’s Quizzer is…….  What do these six words have in common?
BACKSPLASH
BIRTHPLACE
MATCHSTICK
HEARTTHROB
THOUSANDTHS
ANGSTS
BONUS: What’s so special about the word ANGSTS?

Answer: All of these contain a string of five consecutive consonants uninterrupted by vowels or spaces.
BONUS: ANGSTS is the shortest word in the English language with five consecutive consonants. 

 

Thursday’s Quizzer is…… In Handland the currency is fingers. What does the cost of the following sale item represent?
1 T-shirt
Normal price: 19 fingers
Sale price: 14 fingers

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

http://www.amazon.com

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

 

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