Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday August 9, 2018.

DID YOU EVER WONDER . . .

How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the
psycho path.😁

How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? “Dam”.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.

What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? Quatro
sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin
doctor?  A pachydermatologist.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell
out of a tree, would kill you? A pool table.

What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an “A” bra.

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all
have phones.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They’re trying to get
away from the noise.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big
fingers.

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!😁😎

DAILY QUOTES… 

“A new survey found that 46 percent of doctors have used Google or Yahoo to
diagnose their patients’ symptoms. Yeah, last time I got sick, my doctor was
like, ‘I’m sorry to tell you this, but you have ‘Server Not Responding.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“Two women from Minnesota are seeking to file discrimination charges after the

police were called on them for breastfeeding at a public pool. Even worse, their
kids were charged with illegally bringing in an outside beverage.” -Seth Meyers

“The company that makes Ritz crackers has recalled 16 products, including Ritz

cheese cracker sandwiches, over concerns of salmonella. There’s definitely a moment
when you’re feeling sick and you’re wondering, ‘Is this because I consumed salmonella
or because I consumed an entire box of Ritz cheese cracker sandwiches?'” -James Corden

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were
excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble
and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their
town, their sons were probably involved.

The boys’ mother heard that a clergyman in town had been
successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would
speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see
them individually.

So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with
the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger
boy down and asked him sternly, “Where is God?”

The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting
there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed.

So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
“Where is God?” Again the boy made no attempt to answer.

So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his
finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “WHERE IS GOD!?”

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home
and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What
happened?”

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, “We are in
BIG trouble this time, dude… God is missing–and they think
WE did it!”😁😎

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I know about pigeons, Lilly.”

 

ANSWER: In the Line of Fire! Early in this 1993 film, Secret Service Agent Frank Horrigan (Clint Eastwood) tells his colleague Lilly Raines (Rene Russo) that he “know[s] about people.” This skill comes in handy, since Horrigan spends most of the film playing cat and mouse with a man who plans to assassinate the President of the United States.

At the very end of the film, Frank and Lilly are sitting on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, watching a group of pigeons. Horrigan tells Lilly that one particular pigeon will fly away before another one will. Lilly asks how he knows that, and Horrigan responds with the above line, a self-deprecating dig of sorts against his earlier boast.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

“Two more months.” B: “Two more months.”

Thursday’s Quizzer is…….

Three 5-letter words,
Anagrams of each other.
One is a cloth,
The second a spot,
The third is at home with the Father.

What are the three words?

Answer: Satin – a silky fabric
Stain – a discoloration or spot
Saint – a spirit in Heaven

 

 

Friday’s Quizzer is…

In this teaser you have been given two (2) clues in each line. Each answer to the clue comprises six (6) letters.
Each 6-letter word differs by only one (1) letter, which I have given you. Your task is to discover the
answers to the clues provided. The order of the letters do not change.

Example:

Remove _ _ _ I _ _ / _ _ _ U _ _ Justify

Answer:

E X C (I) S E / E X C (U) S E

1. Confuse R _ _ _ _ _ / C _ _ _ _ _ Bovines

2. Invent _ _ _ _ T _ / _ _ _ _ S _ Furrow

3. Endured _ A _ _ _ _ / _ I _ _ _ _ Tilted

4. Joking _ _ N _ _ _ / _ _ R _ _ _ Bargain














LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

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