WELCOME to Friday August 17, 2018.
Relationships are like fat people… Most of them don’t work out.
I’m in shape… Unfortunately, it’s the shape of a potato.
I failed my driver’s test today. The instructor asked me “What do you do at a red light?” I said “I usually check my emails and see what people are up to on Facebook.” 😐
Old people at weddings always poke me and say “you’re next”. So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.😱
Running away doesn’t help you with your problems… unless you’re fat.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.
Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.
I changed all my passwords to “incorrect”, so that whenever I forget, it will tell me, “Your password is incorrect.”
Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. Therefore, chocolate is salad.
I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
“Where’s Hank?” the others asked.
“Hank had a stroke o’ some kind. He’s a couple of miles back up the trail,” the successful hunter replied.
“You left Hank layin’ out there and carried the deer back?” they asked.
“A tough call,” nodded the hunter, “but I figured no one’s gonna steal Hank!” 😱😎
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I’m not even going to swat that fly. I hope they are watching. They’ll see. They’ll see, and they’ll know, and they’ll say…’Why, she wouldn’t even harm a fly!'”
ANSWER: Psycho! You want to talk creepy? Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins) has more or less ceased to exist by the end of this Alfred Hitchcock opus that details the bizarre case of a young man who runs a hotel and unknowingly kills people in his spare time. His alternate personality — patterned after his dead mother — is fully in charge by the time these last words are heard via voice-over narration. Brrrrrr.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Go get ’em, tiger.”
Thursday’s Quizzer is…….
Example: EVER – ______ – HORN
Answer: EVER – GREEN – HORN
1. GRAND – _________ – OUT
2. QUARTER – ___________ – MIND
3. HAIR – _______________ – FIRE
2. QUARTER – MASTER – MIND
3. HAIR – BRUSH – FIRE
Friday’s Quizzer is……
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#
Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store