Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday October 16, 2018.

Today we take a look at the top 15 excuses for calling in sick!

In a recent 2019 survey for employees who call in sick with bogus excuses. Thirty-two percent of workers said they called in sick when they felt well at least once during the last year, down from 43 percent in the 2018 survey. This could be because some employers are evolving to a PTO (paid time off) system, which is a more flexible way for workers to take time off from work. But, workers should be mindful of company policies and their responsibilities as an employee.

The most popular motivator for missing work: good, old-fashioned R&R. Almost half of workers said they needed to relax, while 24 percent wanted to catch up on sleep. Other top reasons included running personal errands (20 percent), doctor’s appointments (17 percent), plans with family and friends (16 percent) and housework (16 percent). Here are the top 15 reasons;

1. Employee was poisoned by his mother-in-law.😱

2. A buffalo escaped from the game reserve and kept charging the employee every time she tried to go to her car from her house. 😐

3. Employee was feeling all the symptoms of his expecting wife.

4. Employee called from his cell phone, saying that he was accidentally locked in a restroom stall and that no one was around to let him out.

5. Employee broke his leg snowboarding off his roof while drunk.

6. Employee’s wife said he couldn’t come into work because he had a lot of chores to do around the house. 🙏
7. One of the walls in the employee’s home fell off the night before.😐

8. Employee’s mother was in jail.

9. A skunk got into the employee’s house and sprayed all of his uniforms.

10. Employee had a bad case of hiccups.

11. Employee blew his nose so hard, his back went out.

12. Employee’s horses got loose and were running down the highway.

13. Employee was hit by a bus while walking.

14. Employee’s dog swallowed her bus pass.

15. Employee was sad.

Now should you decide to use these excuses the Eucman will not admit to ever sending you this email, in fact this email will self destruct in five minutes! Maybe…That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! HAVE A WONDERFUL TUESDAY PEOPLE! And whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“Wal-Mart is working on a self-driving shopping cart that would return itself to the store after you’re done using it. Though the minute that Wal-Mart shopping cart becomes self-aware, it’s going to drive itself to Target and never look back.” -Jimmy Fallon

“In France, a shipment that was supposed to contain orange juice was discovered to actually contain a massive shipment of cocaine. Either way, a great way to start your morning.” -Conan O’Brien

“IHOP is now making their own beer. It’s perfect for people who think Waffle House beer is just a little too trashy.” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

The elevator in our building malfunctioned one day, leaving several of us stranded. Seeing a sign that listed two emergency phone numbers, I dialed the first and explained our situation.

After what seemed to be a very long silence, the voice on the other end said, “I don’t know what you expect me to do for you; I’m a psychologist.”

“A psychologist?” I replied. “Your phone is listed here as an emergency number. Can’t you help us?”

“Well,” he finally responded in a measured tone. “How do you feel about being stuck in an elevator?” 😱

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “You know ______, I read about you all in the papers, and I just get scared.” “Now Ms. Parker, don’t you believe what you read in all them newspapers.”

ANSWER: Bonnie and Clyde! In this scene Clyde Barrow (Warren Beatty) and Bonnie Parker (Faye Dunaway) have returned to Bonnie’s hometown so Bonnie can see her mother (Mabel Cavitt). The mother speaks the first line and Clyde tries to reassure her with the second. In the 1968 Academy Awards. “Bonnie and Clyde” was nominated for ten Oscars, including Best Picture (but lost out to “In the Heat of the Night”). Estelle Parsons (who played Blanche, the wife of Clyde’s brother Buck) won for Best Actress in a Supporting Role. Warren Beatty, Michael J. Pollard , Gene Hackman, Faye Dunaway and director Arthur Penn were also nominated for awards but did not win. This was Gene Wilder’s first feature film (although he had some previous TV and Broadway experience).

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You promised my daddy you wouldn’t take me far off.” “Darlin’, you’re goin’ to have to decide if you’re my wife or his daughter.”

Monday’s Quizzer is…….

Solve the two riddles. The answers should be anagrams of each other.

(Thing 1)
You use me when you want to cook
For friends or family.
But, whether written down or not,
It’s best you stick to me.

(Thing 2)
I like to think that I’m a skill,
Not just some old technique.
People do me to their ears,
Or nose, or tongue, or cheek.

Answer: Thing 1 is a RECIPE. Thing 2 is PIERCE.

Tuesday’s Quizzer is……

Each of the clues below describe a 70’s American TV show. Can you name each show?

1. Ruffles, Pringles, Frito-Lays
2. 911 !
3. The aeronautically capable, habit wearing female (3)
4. A four wheeled vehicle, driven by a person whose job it is to take passengers and their luggage where they want to go in exchange for a fee
5. More than seven, nine is too much (3)
6. Small abode on the treeless tract of land (5)
7. Mixture of the sodium salts of various fatty acids of natural oils and fats

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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