Here’s the response from yesterday’s Guy’s Rules!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big boy. If it’s down, put it up. We need it down, you need it down. You don’t want to kiss a girl who’s been IN the toilet.
1. Is there some law that you can only watch sports on Sunday? They come on other days and actually,
it’s more fun to spread them out over a period of seven days rather than watching them all at once.
1. No, shopping is not a sport, but without it you wouldn’t have the junk food you like to cram into your mouth while watching sports.
1. Crying is blackmail and it works!
1. We ask for what we want. We are very clear, but: It’s not a subtle hint! It’s not a strong hint!
It’s not even an obvious hint! We do just say it and you still get it completely wrong!
1. We say yes, you hear no. We say no, you hear yes. Obviously, it’s a receiving problem.
1. No one asked you for sympathy. We just asked for a solution. You couldn’t give it to us, so you
complain that all we want is sympathy. It’s not our fault you didn’t have the answer.
1. Saw the doctor. He said to get rid of what’s causing the headache. Your mom said you could stay with her for awhile.
1. “In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.” Great! I guess I can buy those expensive pairs of shoes now!
1. Don’t worry, you would never pass for a soap opera guy in a million years.
1. If you think you’re as big as the next fat guy, don’t ask us. You probably are.
1. So, it either makes us sad or angry. If its not one, it’s the other. Neither is a good solution. Work on it.
1. When we ask how to do it, we just want to be sure that you know we are once again doing something that you should’ve done in the first place.
1. Why talk during the commercials? That’s when you make your refrigerator or bathroom run and you hate it when we follow you into the bathroom.
1. Christopher Columbus got lost.
1. Then, you won’t mind if I buy you a peach shirt, since you can’t see the color anyway!
1. We say nothing to avoid having to listen to you moan about us having problems. Listening to you moan is worse than having our own problems.
1. If we ask a question we don’t want an answer to, it’s most likely a rhetorical question. Don’t know what a rhetorical question is?
Look it up in the dictionary or go back to high school English.
1. If anything we wear is fine, stop complaining about what we wear!
1. When we ask what you’re thinking, it’s usually because you’ve asked us what we’re thinking or yes, we do want to discuss baseball.
1. You need more clothes.
1. You need more shoes.
1. If you are comfortable being round, don’t complain when we aren’t as “skinny” as the model in the magazine.
1. Of course it’s like camping, because in camping you sleep on something that is not quite as long as you are.
Four years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams for the first time.
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the
blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his
way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four
He told the fish salesman, “Pick four large ones out and
throw them at me, will you?”
“Why do you want me to throw them at you?”
“Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them.”
“Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy.”
“Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if
you came by, I should tell you to get the roughy. She
prefers that for supper tonight.” 😳😁
“Folded her napkin?”
Answer: The Miracle Worker!
In this scene Annie Sullivan (Anne Bancroft) is reporting to Kate Keller (Inga Swenson) about her progress at breaking blind and deaf young Helen Keller (Patty Duke) of years of uncorrected bad habits. Annie says line one and a surprised Mrs. Keller asks line two. Annie adds, “The room’s a wreck, but her napkin is folded.” For years Helen had been permitted to wander around the dinner table and help herself by hand from everybody’s plate and Annie was determined to break her of this. The confrontation between the two was a battle royal, but Annie won. “The Miracle Worker” tells the true story of how 20-year-old Annie Sullivan was hired by the Keller family, just after the U.S. Civil War, as a last resort to teach their young daughter Helen how to communicate and live civilly. The Kellers were at wits end about what to do with Helen and Annie’s success probably saved Helen from being sent to an asylum.
“I pity your country ignorance from my heart.”
“And I despise your citified claptrap.”
Emperor Akbar once ruled over India. He was a wise and intelligent ruler; and he had in his court the Nine Gems, his nine advisors, who were each known for a particular skill. One of these Gems was Birbal, known for his wit and wisdom. The story below is one of the examples of his wit. Do you have it in you to find the answer?
One day, Emperor Akbar posed a question to Birbal. He asked him what Birbal would choose if he offered either justice or a gold coin.
“The gold coin,” said Birbal without hesitation.
On hearing this, Akbar was taken aback. “You would prefer a gold coin to justice?” he asked, not believing his own ears.
“Yes,” said Birbal.
The other courtiers were amazed by Birbal’s display of idiocy. They were full of glee that Birbal had finally managed himself to do what these courtiers had not been able to do for a long time – discredit Birbal in the emperor’s eyes!
“I would have been disappointed if this was the choice made even by my lowliest of servants,” continued the emperor. “But coming from you it’s not only disappointing, but shocking and sad. I did not know you were so debased!”
How did Birbal justify his answer to the enraged and hurt Emperor?
“Under Your Majesty’s rule, justice is available to everybody. But I am a spendthrift and always short of money and therefore I said I would choose the gold coin.”
The answer immensely pleased the emperor and respect for Birbal was once again restored in the emperor’s eyes.
Five brothers share a common trait of forgetfulness that has gotten them in hot water with their girlfriends. After a string of forgotten birthdays, anniversaries and even dates, the brothers’ girlfriends were fed up. After a brainstorming session, the brothers devised a new holiday – Girlfriend Appreciation Day. For the big day, the five brothers have dates with their girlfriends. Each one bought a different gift and a dozen roses of a different color. Each couple is going to a different destination on their date. Determine each brother’s name, the name of their girlfriend, the gift and color of roses he is giving her, and their date destination.
Brothers – Ted, Tim, Tom, Travis, Tyler
Girls – Andrea, Brooke, Jessica, Laura, Vanessa
Gift – Bracelet, Candy, Music Box, Necklace, Ring
Color of Roses – Pale Purple, Pink, White, Red, Yellow
Date Destinations – Basketball Game, Dinner, Ice-Skating, Movie, Theater
1. The five brothers are: Tyler, the brother giving his girlfriend the ring and red roses, the one giving his girlfriend pink roses, the one taking Laura to a movie, and the one taking his girlfriend ice-skating.
2. The five girlfriends are: Andrea (who isn’t going to the basketball game), the woman getting the ring, Brooke (who isn’t getting the bracelet); Ted’s girlfriend, and the one getting the candy and the yellow roses.
3. The brother taking his girlfriend to the movie is either Tim or Tyler (who isn’t giving his girlfriend the necklace).
4. Vanessa and Ted’s girlfriend (who isn’t receiving the necklace) are, in some order, the woman going to the theater and the one receiving white roses.
5. Neither Travis nor Tom (whose girlfriend isn’t Andrea) is taking his girlfriend to the basketball game.