Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday February 5, 2019.

Here’s some laughter to start your day off with a smile!

1. CHILDREN’S SERMON: One Easter Sunday Morning as the minister was preaching

the children’s sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. he pointed

at the egg and asked the children,”whats in here? “I know!” a little boy exclaimed. “Pantyhose!!”

2. SUPPORT A FAMILY:The prospective father-in-law asked, “young man, can you support a family?” The surprised groom-to-be replied, “well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves.”

3. FIRST TIME USHERS ! : A little boy in church for the first time watched as the ushers

passed around the offering plates. When they came near his pew, the boy said loudly,

“don’t pay for me daddy I’m under five.”

4. PRAYERS: The Sunday school teacher asked, “now Johnny, tell me do you say prayers

before eating?” “no sir,” he replied, “we don’t have to, my mom is a good cook!”

5. CLIMB THE WALLS: “Oh I sure am happy to see you,” the little boy said to his grandmother on his mothers side. “Now maybe daddy will do that trick he has been promising us.” The grandmother was curious. “what trick is that?” she asked. “I heard him tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit,” the little boy answered.

6. THE MOOD RING: My husband brought me a mood ring the other day. When I’m in a

good mood it turns green. When I’m in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead!

7. CREME: Little Timmy watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. “Why do you do that, mommy?” he asked. “To make myself beautiful,” said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. “What’s the matter?” asked Little Timmy. “Giving up?”

8. KEEPING U COMPANY: A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!” After a few seconds, Little Davie stood up. The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Davie?” “No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!” 😱

Hey that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“The Dallas Public Library displays one of the original copies of the Declaration of Independence – also the only copy stained with barbecue sauce.” -Conan O’Brien

“Tostitos is coming out with a limited-edition bag that actually doubles as a breathalyzer. Here’s how it works: If you’re breathing into a bag of Tostitos, you’re probably drunk.” -Jimmy Fallon

“An art gallery in Finland recently put on an exhibition of paintings created by a brown bear named Juuso. The exhibition sold 15 of the bear’s paintings, raising $8,500. Fifteen paintings – that is 14 more paintings than Van Gogh sold in his entire lifetime.” -James Corden

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes…

When the graveside service had no more than just finished,
there was a tremendous burst of thunder accompanied by a
distant lightning bolt and more rumbling thunder, and more
lightning.The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said,
“Well, she’s there.”😳

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

“Well… it’s somebody who doesn’t believe there’s a divine being dispensing justice to mankind.” “I’m a pagan, too.”

Answer:‘Breaker’ Morant!
In this scene, Australian soldier Lt. Harry ‘Breaker’ Morant (Edward Woodward) has refused an offer to speak to a padre just before he is to be executed for killing Boer POWs and says he is a pagan. When fellow Australian prisoner Lt. Peter Handcock (Bryan Brown) wants to know what a pagan is, Morant explains with line one. Handcock then says line two to the execution detail guard. Morant says he wants the Bible verse Matthew 10:36 as an epigraph, and the minister looks it up: “And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.” This movie tells the true story of three Australian soldiers in the Boer War (1899-1902) who are put on trial for shooting Boer prisoners. Though they acted under orders, the General Staff, who hopes to distance themselves from the irregular practices of the war, is using them as scapegoats. The trial does not progress as smoothly as expected by the General Staff, as the defense puts up an exceptionally strong fight in the courtroom.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Like I was saying, I thought that the number you proposed was inappropriate, so I increased it. Do they teach beauty queens to apologize? Because you suck at it!” [long pause] “Uh, Ed… Uh… thank you.”

Monday’s Quizzler is…… Dave, John, Cara, Robbie, and Kate are five budding inventors. Their newest inventions? Each has combined a popular ingredient with a drink! Figure out who’s who, what their “mix” is, and when they each invented their product.

1. The five inventors are Dave, Ms. Roberts, the “Potato Man”, the July inventor, and the one who added an ingredient to lemonade.2. No one’s first name is similar to their last name.

3. Kate made a peanut smoothie.

4. Winter in the Northern Hemisphere seemed to be a “hot” invention time – both John and Cara concocted something then!

5. Marshmallows were incorporated into Kay’s creation. Chocolate was in Davidson’s.

6. Banana Vodka was a spur of the moment brainstorm.

7. April just happened to be “chocolate season”, at least for Robbie.

8. Believe it or not, potato cocktails were very popular in January!

Answer:

Dave Kay, Marshmallow Soda, October
John Cora, Potato Cocktail, January
Cara Roberts, Banana Vodka, February
Robbie Davidson, Chocolate Lemonade, April
Kate Johnson, Peanut Smoothie, July

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….

When you curtail a word, you remove the last letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Heavenly body
Answer: The words are Start and Star.1. Attract or please through personality -> To burn; scorch
2. Giving out moderate heat -> Conflict between nations
3. Kingdom; domain -> True; genuine
4. Solid, hard; fixed in place -> Type of evergreen tree
5. Remove from the surface; glide on a surface -> Narrow runner for gliding on snow
6. Line formed by sewing two pieces together -> Large body of salt water
7. Sew the edge of a cloth -> Male person
8. Agriculture site -> At a great distance

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

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