Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday February 18, 2019 
Here’s the story.

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as
it is for women. Follow these rules and you should
have no problems.

Rule #1:
When in doubt – buy him a cordless drill. It does not
matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns
17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never
have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything
with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying
those two words. “Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?”
“OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8 inch socket
yet?” Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his

car. A 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or
something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love
gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And

never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had
wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn’t have
invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones

they have worn out. If you have a lot of moneybuy your
man a big screen TV and watch him go wild as he flips,
and flips, and flips.

Rule #6:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills.
With-in a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely
everywhere. “Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock.
Sink.” You get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #7:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works,
Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RVCenter, and
Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears’ Clearance
Centers are also excellent men’s stores. It doesn’t matter
if he doesn’t know what itis. “From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be
something I need. Hey! Isn’t this a starter for a ’68 Ford
Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.”)

Rule #8:
It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum
extension ladder. Never buy a real man astep ladder. It
must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #9: Clamps. Men can never have enough quick grip
clamps. No one knows why.

Rule #10: Buy your man Duct Tape. This is a man’s most
universal repair tool. All men know, if you can’t fix it, duct it. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


“The Baltimore airport just got a gym where you can work out while you wait for a flight.
Finally combining the two things Americans love most – waiting in airports and exercise.” -Jimmy Fallon
 “For Valentine’s Day, some KFCs are letting you send a loved one a heart-shaped bucket
of fried chicken. And even better, if you really hate someone, you can send them two buckets.” -Conan O’Brien

“The British tabloid, The Mirror, published a story about a woman who faked her own
death to break off a relationship after the man wouldn’t leave her alone. Ahh, yes, the
old ‘It’s not you, I’m dead’ approach.” -Seth Meyers


Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes…

The wife left a note on the fridge:
“It’s not working, I can’t take it anymore! Gone to stay with my mother.”
I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold.
I wonder what the heck she is talking about?😎


Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

“Mister, I love the way you wear that hat.”
“You don’t know nothin’.”

Answer:  Deliverance!
In this scene Georgia businessman Bobby Trippe (Ned Beatty) comments on a back

country man’s hat with line one and the old man, less than impressed with Bobby, replies with line two. Outdoor enthusiast Lewis Medlock (Burt Reynolds) has organized a weekend canoeing trip down a soon-to-be-submerged river in the Georgia backcountry with three urban businessmen (played by Jon Voight, Ned Beatty, and Ronny Cox) but they enter a nightmare. This scene is at the beginning of their canoe trip, when they are trying to arrange for some locals to drive their cars downriver. When two backcountry mountain men sexually assault Bobby, Lewis kills one of them with a bow and arrow and they hide the body. Later, Ed Gentry (Jon Voight) kills the second one after a hair-raising cliff climb and he and Bobby sink his body in the rising lake water. The local sheriff (played by James Dickey, who wrote both the novel this movie is based on and the screenplay) suspects, but can’t prove, that something has happened, and he warns them with the line, “Don’t ever do nothin’ like this again. Don’t come back up here.”

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “This is crazy. How am I gonna…” “Well, you’d be crazy too if you were operating on 20 cups of coffee.”


Friday’s Quizzler is…… The letter “o” has been removed from the following words. Can you guess them all?

1) utdr
2) bnxius
3) drus
4) nlker
5) nmatpeia
6) ppsitin
7) rthdx
8) cckat
9) prtbell
10) vd
Answer: 1) outdoor 2) obnoxious  3) odorous  4) onlooker  5) onomatopoeia  6) opposition 7) orthodox  8) cockatoo  9) portobello  10) voodoo

Monday’s Quizzler is…….

The answers to the following definitions all start with the prefix “para”. It might take a bit of lateral
thinking to figure them out! For example, the definition: “Two places where a building is
being constructed” would have the answer “Parasites”.

1. Two tender green plant growths
2. Two 10-cent pieces
3. Two male bovines
4. Two shark appendages
5. Two untruths
6. Two furry family members
7. Two dorky guys from “New Joisey”


LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at


CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at, The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.


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