Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday February 15, 2019

You Might Be a Bad Driver If…

1. Your friends would rather walk five miles barefoot on
asphalt in 110 degree heat than accept a ride from you.

2. You go to leave the frat party stone sober and your
roommate still insists on hiding your keys and calling a cab.

3. People ask you about “the accident”, and you say, which one?

4. You’ve ever changed a full set of clothes and/or re-done
your makeup while on the freeway.

5. You slow down when coming to green lights… and speed up on yellow.

6. You hit a tree and your brother tells you your getting
rusty cause you missed the center of the car by a fraction of an inch.

7. You take your eyes off the road and both hands off the
steering wheel to help your passenger put on their seat
belt while driving 65 MPH down the freeway.

8. You use your knees for steering more than your hands.

9. You think red lights & stop signs are just a suggestion.

10. The police carry separate tickets with your information filled out already.

11. You get pulled over for drunk driving and you are stone sober.

12. You think you have a flat when you hear thump, thump.
It’s actually just you clipping the orange and white barrels.

13. Curb? What curb?

14. You are the only car in the parking lot and you STILL hit a light pole.

15. You swerve to miss a tree… and it’s your air freshener.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“The sad truth is that excellence makes people nervous.”

– Shana Alexander

“Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand

until it finally disappears.”- Robert W. Sarnoff

“Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word

‘safe’ that I wasn’t previously aware of.”- Douglas Adams

“Excuse for Republicans driving sports cars that cost more

than their fathers ever made in a year: It’s cheaper than

marrying a woman half my age.” -P.J. O’Rourke

“I used to be With IT. But then they changed what IT was.

Now what I’m with isn’t IT, and what’s IT seems scary and

weird. It’ll happen to YOU.” -Abe Simpson,The Simpsons

“In the past, your dumbness has gotten in the way of a few

things that I really wanted to do: The book club. Theater.

Having conversations.” -Patricia Heaton

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes…

My wife doesn’t complain often, but once she was having a
old-fashioned “heart-to-heart” with me and said, “Hon, you
never listen to me. Every time I try to talk to you, you
get this far-away look in your eyes after only a few seconds.
Please promise me you’ll try to work on that.”

The last thing I remember was replying, “I’m sorry, what
was that you were saying?” 😎

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

“Who are you with again?”
“I’m with the United States Congress. Perhaps you’ve heard of them.”

Answer: Quiz Show!
In this scene government investigator Dick Goodwin (Rob Morrow) is sitting in the waiting room of NBC Television Network president Robert Kintner (Allan Rich). He is investigating possible fraud in game shows on American television and has arrived at Kintner’s office without an appointment. After sitting there for several hours, he says to Kintner’s secretary, “Excuse me. Do you think he might see me before the peacock molts?” She asks line one and he replies sarcastically with line two.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Mister, I love the way you wear that hat.” “You don’t know nothin’.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is……When you behead a word, you remove the first letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.

Example: Begin -> Sour, acidic
Answer: The words are Start and Tart.

1. Time past -> Leave
2. Street -> Event location
3. Ends “Our Father” -> Fathers
4. Shared an opinion -> Excessive desire for something
5. Misuses; harms -> Multi-passenger vehicles
6. Pursue lofty goal -> Pointed tower top
7. Sum total -> Climb on
8. Stay away from -> A gap; empty

Answer: 1. Ago -> Go 2. Avenue -> Venue 3. Amen -> Men 4. Agreed -> Greed 5. Abuses -> Buses 6. Aspire -> Spire 7. Amount -> Mount 8. Avoid -> Void

Friday’s Quizzler is…….

The letter “o” has been removed from the following words. Can you guess them all?

1) utdr
2) bnxius
3) drus
4) nlker
5) nmatpeia
6) ppsitin
7) rthdx
8) cckat
9) prtbell
10) vd

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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