Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday March 11, 2019

FROM THE MOUTH OF BABES…..

* “Close the curtains,” requested our 2 year old granddaughter, sitting in a pool of bright light. “The sun’s looking at me too hard.”

* My friend asked our grandson when he would turn 6. He replied, “When I’m tired of being 5.”

* Seeing her first hailstorm, Mary Sue, age 3, exclaimed, “Mommy, it’s raining dumplings!”

* As I frantically waved away a pesky fly with a white dish towel, my granddaughter observed, “Maybe he thinks you’re surrendering.”

* Announcing to daughter Lori that her aunt just had a baby and it looked like her uncle, she said, “You mean he has a mustache?”

* Shampooing my 4-year-old, I noted his hair was growing so fast he’d soon need it cut. He replied, “Maybe we shouldn’t water it so much.”

* My daughter told her 5-year-old that their van was going to be fixed. Instantly, the small fry assumed, “Oh, it’s
going to the tire-o-practor?”

* Impressed by her 5-year-old’s vocabulary, my friend complimented the young scholar, who nonchalantly responded, “I have words in my head I haven’t even used yet.”

* His Mom informed her son, Brian, that she was going outside to get a little sun. “But Mommy, he gulped, “You already have a son. Me!”

* When our son asked about two look-alike classmates at school, we told him they were probably twins. The next day, he came home from school all bubbly and said, “Guess what! They are not only twins….they’re brothers!!”

* A friend’s grandson, 4, was reading with his granddad about Adam and Eve. He asked, “Is this where God took out the man’s brain and made a woman?”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whateveryou do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“The tax deadline is about five weeks away. And this year, because of all the budget cuts

at the IRS, the odds of getting audited are lower than they’ve been in 13 years. In other

words, there has never been a better time to claim your Chihuahua as a dependent.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“One of the biggest viral sensations right now is a YouTube livestream of a pregnant giraffe waiting to give birth. The cutest part is when she tells the father giraffe, ‘You did this to me, now put down that STUPID camera.'” -Conan O-Brien

“President Trump last night announced the creation of a department called VOICE, which will deal specifically with crimes committed against Americans by immigrants. Not to be confused with ‘The Voice,’ which deals with crimes against music committed by teenagers.” -Seth Meyers

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

“Please doctor you’ve got to help me. I’ve been stung

by a bee.” “Don’t worry;” says the doctor, “I’ll put some cream on it.”

“You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now.”

“No, you don’t understand!” answers the doctor, “I’ll put

some cream on the place you were stung.”

“Oh! It happened in the garden in back of my house.”

“No, no, no!” says the doctor getting frustrated, “I mean on

which part of your body did that bee sting you.”

“On my finger!” screamed the man in pain. “The bee stung me

on my finger and it really hurts.” “Which one?” the doctor.

“How am I supposed to know? All bees look the same to me!”😱

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Another fine mess you’ve gotten us into, Stanley.”

Answer: Oliver Hardy
Laurel and Hardy were a killingly funny duo who, from 1926 to 1957, devoted their talents to bringing laughter to the lives of millions of filmgoers worldwide. This quote is used in several of their movies by the exasperated and rotund Hardy to the unfortunate, scrawny Laurel in the many bothers in which they become involved.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???“Sir, would you mind taking your feet off the table and put your shoes on, please?”
“Yeah, I would mind. I’m havin’ a bad night.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….

Find a rhyme for each word below so you end up with a familiar three-word phrase in the form “__, __, and __”

Example:
Clue = “Took, Sign, Blinker”
Answer = “Hook, Line, and Sinker”

1. Flop, Crook, Glisten
2. Pin, Brace, Though
3. Versed, Beckoned, Heard
4. Leg, Sorrow, Wheel
5. Bawl, Park, Ransom
6. Sprawl, Tedium, Barge
7. Trap, Shackle, Top

Answer: 1. Stop, Look, and Listen
2. Win, Place, and Show
3. First, Second, and Third
4. Beg, Borrow, and Steal
5. Tall, Dark, and Handsome
6. Small, Medium, and Large
7. Snap, Crackle, and Pop

Monday’s Quizzler is…….

There are five weather forecasters getting ready for a weekend forecast. Each forecaster is predicting different weather and is choosing a suit and “tie” (yes, the women, too) of different color combinations. There are 3 men (John, Matt and Tim) and 2 women (Karen and Sarah).

Can you determine the color of the suit, the color and pattern of the tie, and the weather prediction for each forecaster?

1. The forecaster who wore a black suit did not predict snow or rain.

2. Many viewers called in to comment on the whimsically printed tan tie and brown suit combination.

3. The five forecasters were: Matt, the woman who predicted high winds, the person in a black suit, the man with a striped tie, and the woman in an olive suit.

4. A solid white tie was chosen to represent the snowy forecast that day.

5. John’s orange tie was hated by his wife.

6. Sarah had a teal colored tie which was not floral.

7. Tim predicted sun and did not wear brown or black.

8. The man who predicted rain did not wear a striped tie.

9. The blue suit was worn by a man.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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