Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday July 5, 2019

“Performance Evaluations” These useful quotes are from actual federal employee performance evaluations:

1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this employee to breed.

3. This employee is really not so much of a has-been but more of a definite won’t-be.

4. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.

5. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

6. Got a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. A gross ignoramus – 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

8. He has been working with glue too much.

9. If you see two people talking, and one looks bored, he is the other one.

10. A photographic memory but with the lens covered glued on.

11. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

12. Gates are down, the lights are flashing but the train is not coming.

13. Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

14. If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week.

15. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

16. Takes him two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

17. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people & whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you.

Their tastes may not be the same.” – George Bernard Shaw

“Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone,

and (b) that is not true.” – H. L. Mencken

“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage,

half shut afterwards.” –Benjamin Franklin

“The prime purpose of eloquence is to keep other

people from talking.” – Louis Vermeil

“I got a simple rule about everybody. If you don’t treat

me right, shame on you.” -Louis “Satchmo” Armstrong

“Life is a mirror: if you frown at it, it frowns back; if you smile,

it returns the greeting.” –William Makepeace Thackeray

“Men, like nails, lose their usefulness when they lose direction

and begin to bend.” –Walter Savage Landor

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A number of years ago, we had a rather pompous pastor. One Sunday morning

his hands across his chest and intoned, “Ask and ye shall receive; seek and ye shall find;

knock and it will be opened unto you.”

then he called for the offertory, he folded Then he spread his arms wide and called,

“Therefore…come unto the Lord all ye askers, seekers and knockers.” 😱😳😁😎

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Do you like to gamble, Eddie? Gamble money on pool games?”
“Fats, let’s you and I shoot a game of straight pool.”

Answer: The Hustler!
In this scene pool hustler “Fast Eddie” Felson (Paul Newman) meets Minnesota Fats (Jackie Gleason), who is acknowledged to be the best pool player in the country. Eddie is anxious to play Fats and thinks he can beat him. Fats says line one and Eddie replies with line two. After a few hours of playing, Eddie is winning but professional gambler Bert Gordon (George C. Scott), who is watching the match, says to Fats, “Stay with this kid. He’s a loser.” There are quite a few thought-provoking scenes in this movie discussing the relative importance of talent vs. character in winning. In case you haven’t seen it yet, I won’t spoil it for you by revealing the outcome!

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”
“And then some.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….

I am only a head,
I have nothing within,
I have no mouth,
But speak through my skin.

What am I?

Answer: A drum.
Drums consist of a drumhead (the part of the drum you beat) over a hollow

space, and are traditionally made with animal skin.

Friday’s Quizzler is…….

A man wanted to encrypt his password but he needed to do it in a way so that he could remember it. His password is 7 characters long. The password consists of letters and numbers only (no symbols like ! or <). In order to remember it he wrote down “You force heaven to be empty.” Can you guess what his password is?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

http://www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.

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