WELCOME to Tuesday July 30, 2019
Phrases Of Wisdom……(Repost)
1. If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Happy Tuesday people & whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
Marriage is like taking a hot bath. After you’ve
been in it for a while… it isn’t so hot.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction.
I get to the end and think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”
If you’re playing a poker game and you look around
the table and can’t tell who the sucker is— it’s you.
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about
a woman is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice
about men is they’re a bunch of liars.
“Don’t you think it’s funny that all these tough-guy
boxers are fighting over a purse?” – George Carlin 😎
Why A Ship Is Called “SHE” A ship is called “she” because there is always a
great deal of bustle about her; there is usually a gang of men about’, she
has a waist and stays; it takes a lot of paint to keep her looking good; it is
not the initial expense that breaks you, it is the upkeep; she can be all decked
out; it takes an experienced man to handle her correctly, and without a man
at the helm, she is absolutely uncontrollable. She shows her topsides, hides
her bottom and, when coming into port, always heads for the buoys. -Jeanne
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
I’m the postmaster for a small town in Pennsylvania. One of my regular customers,
Jeff, bought several sheets of newly released commemorative stamps. Soon after
he left, a woman came in carrying two crisp sheets of Harry Houdini stamps she’d
found in the parking lot. The next morning, I gave Jeff the sheets of stamps he’d lost.
“You know,” Jeff said to me, “I’m not at all that surprised the Houdini stamps reappeared.”😏
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “It’s coffee time, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, cappuccino – java, yes!”
Answer: Dante’s Peak
Starring Pierce Brosnan and Linda Hamilton, “Dante’s Peak” is a disaster movie about the eruption of a volcano and the effects it has on those who live in the area. This comment is made by Greg, who is part of the USGA (United States Geological Survey), who is on the scene to help with the disaster. He says this when the mayor, Rachel Wando, shows up with multiple cups of coffee and cappucinno. This coffee quote includes just three of the many names/varieties of coffee served around the world. It is also representative of the excitement to which many people look forward to their next cup of coffee.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “0.2… Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son”
Monday’s Quizzler is….
What’s the rebus, here:
J, ____ & Titanic
Hook, line and sinker.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
My story whispers ancient lore;
The force at times my rings will hide.
I’ve sixty minions, maybe more:
Those unseen, these by my side.
Wand’ring far from glowing light,
Shape-shifting puzzles curious eyes;
Oft my glorious rings shine bright,
While men debate my family’s size.
My aspect seems to wax and wane,
As the force dictates the deed;
My namesake ruled vast fields of grain,
But, legends tell, devoured his seed.
What am I?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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