Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday July 29, 2019

Investment Banking….

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer

agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said,

‘Sorry Chuck, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.’ Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just

give me my money back.’ The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’

Chuck said, ‘OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’ The farmer asked, ‘What ya gonna

do with a dead donkey? Chuck said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’ The farmer said ‘You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!’ Chuck said, ‘Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’ A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with that dead donkey?’ Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00.’ The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’ Chuck said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.’ Chuck now works for Morgan Stanley. 😳😁😎

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people & whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept locking the keys in the plane.

They caught me on a 20-foot extension ladder with a coathanger.” -Steven Wright

“Some things just aren’t funny. Beatings aren’t funny. Mimes aren’t funny. But

beating a mime – why is that so hilarious?” — Dave Attell

“There’s a statistical theory that if you gave a million monkeys typewriters and set them

to work, they’d eventually come up with the complete works of Shakespeare. Thanks to

the Internet, we now know this isn’t true.” –Ian Hart

“The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.”

– Hubert H. Humphrey

“Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.” – Edgar Wilson Nye

“British scientists are now seeking permission to fuse human cells with rabbit eggs.

Their goal is to create a human with a lucky foot.” –Jay Leno

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

Everyone knows I’m a stickler for good spelling. So, when an associate e-mailed technical

documents asking me to “decifer” them, I had to set him straight. I wrote, “Decipher is

spelled with a ph, not an f. In case you’ve forgotten, spell checker comes free with your

software.” A minute later, I got this reply, “Mine must be dephective.” 😳😱😁😎

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Poor man’s truth serum – caffeine and sugar.”

Answer: “Eye for an Eye”.

This line was spoken by actor Joe Mantegna while he portrayed Sgt. DeNello in the 1996 movie “Eye for an Eye”. He makes this comment while involved in an interrogation. He offers some to the subject he is talking to and before long the subject confesses his guilt.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “It’s coffee time, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, cappuccino – java, yes!”

Friday’s Quizzler is….

Which is the odd couple? Find how these pairs were formed, then decide which does not belong with the other four.

1. HIS and MIST

2. LUSH and PULP

3. LOFT and SOUND

4. WIDE and NINE

5. HIKE and SEED

Answer: “Whole” and “Half.” The obvious idea is that the list is of ordinal numbers. However, it is actually a list of the names of the inverse fractions of the natural numbers. That is, 1/1, 1/2, 1/3, etc.

Monday’s Quizzler is…….

What’s the rebus, here:

J, ____ & Titanic

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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