Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

Road-Signs-10
WELCOME to Friday October 25, 2019
 
Strange and Funny Signs……..

On a Septic Tank Truck sign: “We’re #1 in the #2 business.”
Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
At a Proctologist’s door: “To expedite your visit please back in.”
On a Plumbers truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”
On a Plumbers truck: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
Pizza Shop Slogan: “7 days without pizza makes one weak.”
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: “Invite us to your next blowout.”
On a Plastic Surgeon’s Office door: “Hello. Can we pick your nose?”
At a Towing company: “We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”
On an Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”
On a Maternity Room door: “Push. Push. Push.”
On a Taxidermist’s window: “We really know our stuff.”
In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”
On a Fence: “Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive.”
At a Car Dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”
Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”
In a Veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
At the Electric Company: “We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don’t, you will be.”
In a Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up.
In the front yard of a Funeral Home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
At a Propane Filling Station: “Tank heaven for little grills.”

At a Radiator Shop: “Best place in town to take a leak.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
“It is easier to forgive an enemy than
to forgive a friend.” – William Blake

“A censor is a man who knows more
than he thinks you ought to.” – Granville Hicks
“Nobody realizes that some people expend
tremendous energy merely to be normal.”

– Albert Camus

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but

only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
The man who smiles when things go wrong
has thought of someone to blame it on.
– Robert Bloch
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets
better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains,

because the average man can see better than he can think.
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes…. 
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back
together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.” The second said, “I sent
her a Mercedes.” The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. You
remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can’t see
very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took
elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He’s one of a kind. Mom just has to
name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it.” Soon thereafter, mom sent
out her letters of thanks: “Milton,” she wrote one son, “The house you built is too huge.
I live in only one room, but I have to keep the whole house clean!”
“Gerald,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel. I stay at home most of the time,
so I rarely use the Mercedes.” “Dearest Donald,” she wrote to her third son, “You have
the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious!”. 😳😱
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
“God is a luxury I can’t afford.”
Answer:  Martin Landau/”Crimes and Misdemeanors”

This 1989 Woody Allen film deals with Martin Landau’s character having to come to terms with murder. Martin’s character is Judah Rosenthal. In an imaginary conversation with a rabbi Judah says “God is a luxury I can’t afford. Jack lives in the real world. You live in the kingdom of heaven.” After Judah confirms that Dolores has been killed he goes to her apartment and takes her address book and anything that could link him with her. He gets away with the murder.
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Politicians, and ugly buildings all get respectable if they last long enough.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….​
Boudreaux, a master dartsman, was bragging to his bar mates that he was such a consummate player, he could hit the dartboard in any location at will.

“I’ll wager a hundred dollars that, no matter what position you name on the board, I’ll be able to hit it.”
Thibedeaux, tired of Boudreaux’s windbaggery, shouted out an answer.
Boudreaux stammered for a few moments and at first refused to pay. The other bar patrons, however, made sure he held up his end of the wager. Boudreaux slammed a hundred dollar bill on the counter and stormed out.

Where on the dartboard did Thibedeaux suggest?

Answer:  The back of the board. 

 
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
David Van Gogh (pronounced “Go”) had many relatives.
Can you guess by the clues who they are?

Example: His dizzy Aunt?
Answer: Verti-Gogh
How many other relatives can you guess?
A fruit loving cousin?
The Grandfather from Yugoslavia?
The cousin from Illinois?
His Mexican cousin?
His Great Grandfather who drove a stage coach?
The ballroom dancing aunt?
The bird lover Uncle?
A sister who loved disco?

And his niece who travels the country in a van?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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