Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

 

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WELCOME to Monday October 28, 2019
 
Here’s the story….
 

The latest news polls show that according to women… Men Are Like…

…placemats
they only show up when there’s food on the table.
…mascara
they usually run at the first sign of emotion.
…bike helmets
they’re good in emergencies but usually just look silly.
…government bonds
they take so long to mature.
…copiers
you need them in reproduction but that’s about it.
…lava lamps
fun to look at it but not all that bright.
…bank accounts
without a lot of money they don’t generate a lot of interest.
…high heels
they’re easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
…curling irons
they’re always hot and always in your hair.
…mini skirts
if your not careful they’ll creep up your legs.
…handguns

keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
“A new study shows that monkeys can look at photos and recognize other
monkeys they know. However, the study also shows that monkeys
are terrible with names.” -Conan O’Brien

“A woman is suing Disney World, claiming one of their rides caused her to
have a stroke. Disney denies the allegation but will temporarily
shut down the ride Stroke Mountain.”
-Jimmy Fallon
“You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to
go after it with a club.” – Jack London

“Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not
ready for an institution yet.” – Mae West

“If not actually disgruntled, he was far

 from being gruntled.” – P.G. Wodehouse
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes…. (Wonderful Re-post)
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently
faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use
lipstick and would put it on in the Bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on
their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
 Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls
would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
 She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian
who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance  man to show the girls how much effort was required.  He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.  Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. 😱😁😎

 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
“Politicians, and ugly buildings all get respectable if they last long enough.”
Answer:   “Chinatown”

The son of actor Walter Huston, John is known for directing several classic films including “The Maltese Falcon”, “The Asphalt Jungle”, “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre”, “Key Largo” and “The African Queen”. He is the father of actress Anjelica Huston and director Danny Huston. He portrays Faye Dunaway’s millionaire father, Noah Cross, in “Chinatown”. He relates the line during a cat-and-mouse dinner conversation with Jack Nicholson’s character, J J Gittes. J J Gittes believes that Cross is involved in a scandal and asks Cross how he can feel respectable if he’s involved in a water supply scandal. The entire line is “Of course I’m respectable. I’m old. Politicians, ugly buildings and whores all get respectable if they last long enough.”
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“A commanding officer doesn’t need brains, just a good loud voice.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
David Van Gogh (pronounced “Go”) had many relatives.
Can you guess by the clues who they are?

Example: His dizzy Aunt?
Answer: Verti-Gogh
How many other relatives can you guess?
A fruit loving cousin?
The Grandfather from Yugoslavia?
The cousin from Illinois?
His Mexican cousin?
His Great Grandfather who drove a stage coach?
The ballroom dancing aunt?
The bird lover Uncle?
A sister who loved disco?

And his niece who travels the country in a van?

Answer:  A fruit loving cousin: Man-Gogh

The grandfather from Yugoslavia: U-Gogh
The cousin from Illinois: Chica-Gogh
His Mexican cousin: Amee-Gogh
His Great Grandfather who drove a stage coach: Wellsfar-Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt: Tan-Gogh
The bird lover uncle: Flamin-Gogh
A sister who loved disco: Go-Gogh

And his niece who travels the country in a van: Winnie Bay-Gogh 

 
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Some people’s names (such as “Will Power”) suggest a certain personality or career choice. Given below are some last names and professions (in no particular order). For each last name, your task is to think of a common first name, such that it suggests one of the given professions. Each last name and profession must be used just once.

Example: Sonny Day would suggest a meteorologist.
Last Names: Burr, Lee, Oakey, Poole, Schauer, Shaw
Professions: Biologist, Cabdriver, Farmer, Lumberjack, Meteorologist, Singer

The hint provides the first names.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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