Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday February 24, 2020
 
25 Phrases Of Wisdom………..  
1. If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out.
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2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
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3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
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4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
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5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
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6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
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8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
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9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
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10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
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11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
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12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
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14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
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15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
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16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
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17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and
narrowness of the waist change places.
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18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
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19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw
away three weeks before you need it.
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20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
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21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
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22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
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23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
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24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
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25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget
to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
 
“Writers should be read, but neither seen nor heard.”

– Daphne du Maurier
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“Adventure is just bad planning.”
– Roald Amundsen
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“Truth has beauty, power and necessity.”
– Sylvia Ashton-Warner
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“When the Pope met the Queen of England, they both said the
same thing to each other: ‘Nice hat.'” -Jay Leno
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“A new report found that Asian-American students have the
best SAT scores. In second place — anyone sitting behind
the Asian-American students during the test.” -Jimmy Fallon
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“Well-known, veteran politicians were upended by candidates
from the tea party. I’ve been to a lot of tea parties with
my daughter and most of the people there are stuffed animals.”

-Jimmy Kimmel

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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, “Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.” “Hans Olaffsen?”, he muses.  “How in hell does that fit in here?” So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, “How did this place get a name like ‘Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry?'” The old man answers, “Is name of owner.” The tourist asks, “Well, who and where is the owner?” “Me…is right here,” replies the old man. “You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?” “Is simple,” says the old man. “Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, ‘What your name?’ He say,’Hans Olaffsen.’ Then she look at me and go, ‘What your name?'” “I say Sem Ting.”  😱😳😁😎
 
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“Do you have any idea what it’s like being English? Being so correct all the time, being so stifled by this dread of, of doing the wrong thing”.
Answer:  “A Fish Called Wanda”
“A Fish Called Wanda” was written by John Cleese of Monty Python fame. His name in the movie, Archie Leach is
the real name of actor, Cary Grant. The movie was ranked as one of the fifty greatest movies of all times.
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“In the end, they put candles on the bodies, so’s their friends if they had any could know them in the dark.”
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Friday’s Quizzler is….​
As part of a lesson the Middle Ages, a ninth-grade teacher spent a day teaching about medieval heraldry. To spice things up, he offered extra credit to any student who took the time to research his or her family history. The students’ enthusiasm made the lesson a success. From the information provided, can you determine the crest and motto belonging to the family of each student?

First Names: Fiona, Howard, Missy, Paul, Shannon
Last Names: Cole, Killman, Nathanson, Ruff, Zeigler
Crest: griffin, helmet, mastiff, rising sun, three stars
Motto: Ad Finem Fidelis, Ex Merito, In Veritate Victoria, Omnia Pro Bono, Te Ipsum Nosce
1. The family crest of the student surnamed Nathanson (who isn’t Shannon) depicts three stars.
2. Fiona Kilmann’s family crest depicts a rising sun, but isn’t the one inscribed with the motto “Ex Merito” (which means “With Merit”).
3. Shannon’s family’s motto is “In Veritate Victoria” (which means “Victory in Truth”).
4. Missy’s family’s motto is “Omnia Pro Bono” (which means “All Things for Good”).
5. The student surnamed Zeigler isn’t the one whose family crest is a helmet.
6. Howard Cole’s family crest depicts a griffin.

7. The crest depicting a mastiff is inscribed with the motto “Ad Finem Fidelis” (which means “Faithful to the End”).

Answer:   Fiona Killman, rising sun, Te Ipsum Nosce

Howard Cole, griffin, Ex Merito
Missy Nathanson, three stars, Omnia Pro Bono
Paul Zeigler, mastiff, Ad Finem Fidelis

Shannon Ruff, helmet, In Veritate Victoria

 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Einstein’s Riddle:

Einstein wrote the following riddle. He said that 98% of the world could not solve it. But several NIEHS
scientists were able to solve it, and they said it’s not all that hard if you pay attention and are very patient. Give it a try:
There are 5 houses in 5 different colors in a row. In each house lives a person with a different nationality. The 5 owners drink a certain type of beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet. No owners have the same pet, smoke the same brand of cigar, or drink the same beverage. Other facts:
1. The Brit lives in the red house.
2. The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
3. The Dane drinks tea.
4. The green house is on the immediate left of the white house.
5. The green house’s owner drinks coffee.
6. The owner who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
7. The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill.
8. The owner living in the center house drinks milk.
9. The Norwegian lives in the first house.
10. The owner who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.
11. The owner who keeps the horse lives next to the one who smokes Dunhill.
12. The owner who smokes Bluemasters drinks beer.
13. The German smokes Prince.
14. The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
15. The owner who smokes Blends lives next to the one who drinks water.
The question is: WHO OWNS THE FISH?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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