Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday February 25, 2020
 
Future Novelists… These are actual analogies and metaphors
found in high school essays……
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a thigh master.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
She had a deep throaty genuine laugh like that sound a dog makes just before he throws up.
Her vocabulary was as bad, as, like, whatever.
He was a tall as a six foot three inch tree.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a extra strength hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 pm instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star crossed lovers raced across a grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resemble Steve Harvey’s teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a really duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.
He was deeply in love when she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightening.
Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
Happy Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget
to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
__________________________________________________________
Quotes of the Day 
 
“The flight attendant will always tell you the name of your
pilot. Like anyone goes, ‘Oh, he’s good. I like his work.'”
–David Spade
__________________________________________________________
“Correspondence schools are full of it. I saw an ad where
they claimed they could teach you veterinarian medicine
thought the mail. Hate to be a dog in that house. “Mail’s
here!” “Yip, yip, yip!” Talk about being a regular in the
pet store, “Hey, didn’t I already sell you a puppy?”
–Drew Carey
__________________________________________________________
“I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a “learning
experience.” Then again, I like to think of anything stupid
I’ve done as a “learning experience.” It makes me feel less
stupid.” –P. J. O’Rourke
__________________________________________________________
“Cab drivers are now illegally overcharging you for made-up
charges. I was in a cab today and I was charged $11 for
shipping and handling.” -David Letterman
__________________________________________________________
“Apparently the recession ended last June. So for those of
you that are still broke and without a job, it’s all in
your head.” -Jay Leno
__________________________________________________________
“‘Sesame Street’ announced that it’s pulling a music video
featuring Elmo and Katy Perry because her outfit was too
revealing, even though those Muppets are running around

naked all the time.” -Jimmy Kimmel

__________________________________________________________
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular. “When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I’d get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o’ bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans… all for a dollar!!” Then Grandpa said sadly, “You can’t DO that anymore…..
they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look.” 😳😁😎
 
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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“In the end, they put candles on the bodies, so’s their friends if they had any could know them in the dark.”
Answer:  Gangs of New York!

After Leonardo DiCaprio gave his speech, New York was shown at a high speed being built into a great city from 1800 to early 2001.
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“The memories will be so thick they’ll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come, Ray.
The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball”.
__________________________________________________________
 
Monday’s Quizzler is….​
 Einstein’s Riddle:

Einstein wrote the following riddle. He said that 98% of the world could not solve it. But several NIEHS scientists were able to solve it, and they said it’s not all that hard if you pay attention and are very patient. Give it a try:
There are 5 houses in 5 different colors in a row. In each house lives a person with a different nationality. The 5 owners drink a certain type of beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet. No owners have the same pet, smoke the same brand of cigar, or drink the same beverage. Other facts:
1. The Brit lives in the red house.
2. The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
3. The Dane drinks tea.
4. The green house is on the immediate left of the white house.
5. The green house’s owner drinks coffee.
6. The owner who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
7. The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill.
8. The owner living in the center house drinks milk.
9. The Norwegian lives in the first house.
10. The owner who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.
11. The owner who keeps the horse lives next to the one who smokes Dunhill.
12. The owner who smokes Bluemasters drinks beer.
13. The German smokes Prince.
14. The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
15. The owner who smokes Blends lives next to the one who drinks water.
The question is: WHO OWNS THE FISH?
 

Answer:  The German sits in his Green House, smoking his Prince cigars, drinking coffee, and watching his FISH.

The rest go like this-
1st House: Yellow, Norwegian, Water, Cats, Dunhill
2nd House: Blue, Dane, Tea, Horse, Blends
3rd House: Red, Brit, Milk, Birds, Pall Malls
4th House: Green, German, Coffee, FISH, Prince

5th House: White, Swede, Beer, Dogs, Bluemasters 

 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
Sir Col was touring Europe in his car and arrived in the city of Zurich, Switzerland. Upon locating a parking space next to a lake he placed enough money in the parking meter for one hour. Two hours later he returned to his car to find a parking ticket on his windscreen.

After a little thought he came up with an idea, and in thirty minutes he was able to drive out of the city without any need of paying his fine. How did he perform this scam?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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