WELCOME to Tuesday March 17, 2020
Signs of the times……
SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE:
“We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you.”
Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
In a Podiatrist’s office:
“Time wounds all heels.”
On a Septic Tank Truck:
“Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels”
At an Optometrist’s Office:
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
On a Plumber’s truck:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”
On another Plumber’s truck:
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
“Invite us to your next blowout.”
On an Electrician’s truck:
“Let us remove your shorts.”
On a Maternity Room door:
“Push. Push. Push.”
In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
In a Restaurant window:
“Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
“Best place in town to take a leak.”
Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
Happy Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget
to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
“A nightclub in Miami has lost its business license after a woman brought a
horse onto the dance floor. In the nightclub’s defense, the horse’s ID looked real.” -Conan O’Brien
“Every appliance with a clock should have a Daylight Savings button to push. You’d
only use it twice a year, but that’s more than I use the ‘Potato’ button on my microwave.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“It’s Daylight Savings Time. Why does it have to happen on the weekend? Why can’t they do it on a Wednesday at 4:00? ‘Hey look, now it’s 5:00. Time to go home!'”-Stephen Colbert
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Walking home one night, this guy hears a, “Psst! Psst!-give me a hand with this pig would you?”
Looking into the shadows the guy sees his neighbor holding onto a restless and
agitated pig. “What are you planning to do with that?” he asks.
“I’m carrying it indoors and putting in the bath tub.”
“Why do you wanna’ do a thing like that?”
“Well, you see, it’s my wife. She is one of those women who knows EVERYTHING! I tell her
that the price of petrol has shot up again…she says I know! I tell her there is more trouble
in the East again … she says I know! I tell her Francis down the street is getting a divorce
and she knows that, too. Well, tomorrow morning, since she always gets up before me, I’ll
wait for her to come running to me screaming ‘THERE’S A PIG IN THE BATH! THERE’S A PIG IN BATH!'”
And I’ll just turn to her and say, “Yeah, I know!” 😁
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“Well, I may be an outlaw, darlin’, but you’re the one stealin’ my heart.”
Answer: Thelma and Louise!
If I told you that the part of J.D. was played by Brad Pitt, would that have helped? The movie was the 1991 chick flick “Thelma and Louise” about a housewife (Geena Davis) and a waitress (Susan Sarandon) who decide to go on a fishing vacation but, when a man in a bar attempts to rape Thelma, Louise shoots and kills the guy. Thelma then gets sidetracked by sexy J.D., who gives her the ‘line’ above when attempting to seduce her, right before he steals the money the women were going to use to flee to Mexico. Their trip turns into a hunting expedition by the law, i.e., Detective Harry Slocumb (Harvey Keitel) who attempts to get them to surrender, but without success.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
Monday’s Quizzler is….
Female kangaroos carry their young (joeys) in a pouch. Likewise, kangaroo words contain
another word (a joey) within themselves. A joey word is a synonym of the kangaroo word, and the letters must be in the same order.
Example: “rapscallion” contains the word “rascal”: RApSCALlion
See if you can find the joey words in these kangaroo words:
See if you can find two joey words in this kangaroo word:
Answer: 1. as (becAuSe)
2. stun (aSToUNd)
3. city (muniCIpaliTY)
4. charm (CHARisMa)
5. dame (DAMsEl)
6. male / man (MAscuLinE / MAsculiNe)
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
Each of the clues below describe a famous pair (example: Salt & Pepper). Can you name each pair?
1. Jingly sound makers & accompanying sounds heard on the Seven Dwarfs commute
2. Corny phrase used by photographers & thin crisp wafers
3. Small spherical play toy & a letter propagated to many people threatening bad luck unless forwarded
4. Mayberry’s deputy sheriff & hollow round percussion instrument
5. A cheery, cheerful or joyous disposition & a unit of company stock
6. Long slender conifer leaf & message board continuous chain of postings
7. Kevin of “Six Degrees” trivia fame & chicken predecessors
8. Writing implement loaded with ink & bank employee that receives or pays out money
9. A paste made from ground goober peas & sweet spread prepared from Concord Grapes
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
http://www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com