Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday March 18, 2020
Marriage Definitions….
BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.😁
GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn’t do it.
HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.😱
JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.
LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.
SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t
have had if you’d stayed single in the first place.😁

WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very

same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.
Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget 
to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
 
[Humanity] has unquestionably one really effective weapon—laughter. Power, money,
persuasion, supplication, persecution—these can lift at a colossal humbug—push it a little—weaken it a little, century by century, but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast.
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Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. — Mark Twain

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A good laugh heals a lot of hurts. — Madeleine L’Engle
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A good laugh is a mighty good thing, a rather too scarce a good thing. — Herman Melville
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A good laugh is sunshine in the house. — William Thackeray
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. — Phyllis Diller
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A smile starts on the lips, a grin spreads to the eyes, a chuckle comes from the belly; but a good laugh bursts forth from the soul, overflows, and bubbles all around. — Carolyn Birmingham
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A well-balanced person is one who finds both sides of an issue laughable. — Herbert Procknow
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Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand. — Mark Twain
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Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. — Lord Byron
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Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh. — W. H. Auden

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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Caller: ‘Hi, can you connect me with Jack?’

Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about.’
Caller: ‘On page 1, section 5, of your user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the
fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning.
Now, can you give me the number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.’ 😱😳😁😎
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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
 “$3,000”
Answer: “Pretty Woman”
“Pretty Woman” (1990) is a modern version of Cinderella, where Julia Roberts is Vivian Ward, a prostitute who is hired by rich businessman Edward Lewis (Richard Gere) ‘as a lark’. The quote of “$3,000” is what Vivian is asking for the weekend. Edward makes his money by buying companies and breaking them up, and is willing to pay Vivian’s price; of course, since this is a fairy tale, they wind up falling in love, but find it difficult to adapt to each other’s world. The escargot scene is hilarious!
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Oh Jerry, don’t let’s ask for the moon. We have the stars”
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Tuesday’s Quizzler is….​
Each of the clues below describe a famous pair (example: Salt & Pepper). Can you name each pair?

1. Jingly sound makers & accompanying sounds heard on the Seven Dwarfs commute
2. Corny phrase used by photographers & thin crisp wafers
3. Small spherical play toy & a letter propagated to many people threatening bad luck unless forwarded
4. Mayberry’s deputy sheriff & hollow round percussion instrument
5. A cheery, cheerful or joyous disposition & a unit of company stock
6. Long slender conifer leaf & message board continuous chain of postings
7. Kevin of “Six Degrees” trivia fame & chicken predecessors
8. Writing implement loaded with ink & bank employee that receives or pays out money

9. A paste made from ground goober peas & sweet spread prepared from Concord Grapes

Answer:  1. Bells & Whistles

2. Cheese & Crackers
3. Ball & Chain
4. Fife & Drum
5. Sonny & Cher
6. Needle & Thread
7. Bacon & Eggs
8. Penn & Teller

9. Peanut Butter & Jelly

 
 
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
My father gave me a brain teaser with two groups of words missing. The four words in each group are anagrams of each other. I’ve solved the first group, but I’m stuck on the second group. Can you help?

Time to decorate the Christmas tree! Putting up the lights was my job, but after that it was time to ENLIST some help. While the kids were busy adding TINSEL, I put on some music to LISTEN to; my favourite song is “SILENT Night”.

After we finished decorating the Christmas tree, I hung the stockings on the __1__. Feeling a chill, I looked down and had to __2__ my __3__ lapse; the fire was out. I threw on my __4__ and stepped out into the cold night to gather some firewood. Upon my return, we were soon roasting chestnuts and sipping eggnog to complete a wonderful evening.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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