Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to TUESDAY MAY 5, 2020
 
Here’s the Story……
Male or Female? From the Washington Post Style Invitation, in which it was postulated
that English should have male and female nouns, and readers were asked to assign a gender to nouns of their choice and explain their reason. The best submissions:
SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of
work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
KIDNEYS: Female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
TIRE: Male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it… and, of course, there’s the hot air part.
SPONGES: Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
MAGIC 8 BALL: Male, because it gives monosyllabic answers that usually
indicate it did not pay attention to your question.
WEB PAGE: Female, because it is always getting hit on.
SHOE: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
ZIPLOC BAGS: Male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HOURGLASS: Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMER: Male, because it hasn’t evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around.
SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick up people.
CRITIC: Female, What, this needs to be explained?
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people, stay inside, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

Victor Borge
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Laughter is the best medicine – unless you’re diabetic,
then insulin comes pretty high on the list.
Jasper Carrott
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Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.
Victor Hugo
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Laughter connects you with people. It’s almost impossible to maintain
any kind of distance or any sense of social hierarchy when you’re just
howling with laughter. Laughter is a force for democracy.
John Cleese
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Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place.   Josh Billings

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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Some Vague Thoughts….

Vanity Plates seen on a Mercedes Benz in California – WAS HIS
Wealthy people miss one of life’s greatest thrills – Making the last car payment.
The trouble with Sunday drivers is, they don’t drive any better during the week.
If you can’t keep a secret, you don’t need to know it.
Quote from the boss: “I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.”
If you want the world to beat a path to your door, just try to take a nap on a Saturday afternoon.
Measure wealth not by the things you have, but by the things you have for which you would not take money.
When your dreams turn to dust, it’s time to vacuum.
Is your holier side your altar ego?
I need someone to refresh my memory. How many cars are allowed through an intersection after the light turns red? Is it three or five?

What’s dumber, expecting educators to be entertaining, or expecting entertainment to be educational?

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“I am leaving soon, and you will forgive me if I speak bluntly. The universe grows smaller every day, and the threat of aggression by any group, anywhere, can no longer be tolerated. There must be security for all, or no one is secure. Now, this does not mean giving up any freedom, except the freedom to act irresponsibly.”
Answer:  ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still’ 
Klaatu, accompanied by an eight-foot tall robot named Gort, arrives to warn Earth’s world leaders that they need to mend their ways (this was at a time when the Cold War looked like hotting up), explaining that the citizens of other planets are concerned about the use of nuclear arms. Of course, he is almost immediately shot by frightened soldiers, but is healed before he escapes to live among the people and find out what they are like. As the search for him intensifies, he asks his companion to deliver the famous message “Klaatu barada nikto”, a phrase whose meaning has never been definitely determined, but which seems to be a message calling for mercy towards Earth if anything should happen to him. She says this to Gort as the robot collects Klaatu’s body, and takes it back to the spaceship where Klaatu is (temporarily) brought back to life so that he can deliver his final warning to the people of Earth.  
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them. The good is oft interred with their bones. So let it be with Caesar.”
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Monday’s Quizzler is….​
Van Gogh (pronounced “Go”) is back, with more of his relatives.

e.g. One of them was a well-known musical cousin from Liverpool, England. His name? Ring Gogh! (Ringo)
From the clues, can you guess the other names?
1. An elderly uncle who plays the numbers game at his community hall.
2. His young nephew who bounces everywhere.
3. A long-lost brother who had been on his yacht exploring a group of islands in the Pacific.
4. An aunt, famous for her milk pudding recipe.
5. His cousin with the skin infection.
6. The teenage niece who wears dark, trendy shades of blue and purple.
7. His Great Uncle Emil, the famous lecturer on self-esteem.
The hint gives the first letter, and number of letters, for each word.

 

Answer:  1. Bing Gogh (Bingo)

2. Poe-Gogh (Pogo)
3. Archie Pele-Gogh (Archipelago)
4. Sae Gogh (Sago)
5. Impa Tai-Gogh (Impetigo)
6. Indy Gogh (Indigo)

7. Prof. E Gogh (Ego)

 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
Always old, sometimes new. Never sad, sometimes blue. Never empty,
sometimes full. Never pushing, always pulling. What am I?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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