WELCOME to MONDAY AUGUST 10, 2020
Ambivalent? Well yes and no….
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
Is it time for your medication or mine?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck
How do I set the laser printer to stun?
I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert….
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after.
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
And your crybaby, whiny opinion would be … ?
Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
I intend to live forever – so far, so good.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Taxation WITH representation isn’t so hot, either!
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
MONDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
He deserves Paradise who makes
his companions laugh. — Koran
He that is of a merry heart has
a continual feast. — Proverbs 15:15
He who binds to himself a joy Does the
winged life destroy; But he who kisses
the joy as it flies Lives in eternity’s
sun rise. — William Blake
He who laughs, lasts! — Mary Pettibone Poole
Humor is a prelude to faith and laughter
is the beginning of prayer. — Reinhold Niebuhr
Humor is laughing at what you haven’t got
when you ought to have it. — James Langston Hughes
I commend mirth. — Ecclesiastes 8:15
I have always felt that laughter in the face of reality is
probably the finest sound there is and will last until the
day when the game is called on account of darkness. In
this world, a good time to laugh is any time you can. — Linda Ellerbee
I have not seen anyone dying of laughter, but I know millions
who are dying because they are not laughing. – Dr. Madan Kataria
I never would have made it if I could not have laughed. It lifted
me momentarily out of this horrible situation,
just enough to make it livable. — Viktor Frankl
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
The other day I was eating in an Italian restaurant when I accidentally spilled some spaghetti sauce on my favorite white sweater. I wasn’t too distressed, though, because Mr. Wong down on High Street has been doing my laundry for years, and I knew that he could remove just about any stain and get it out like it’d never been there. So I took the sweater down to Wong’s Laundry and dropped it off; Mr. Wong said he’d probably be able to have it cleaned by Thursday. So on Thursday afternoon after work I stopped by Wong’s again. Mr. Wong looked quite distressed when he saw me. He brought out the sweater and, apologizing profusely, explained that somehow this stain was beyond even his power to expunge. And sure enough, though fainter than before, there was still
a distinct red stain on the sweater. In an attempt to make up for his failure, Mr. Wong offered to send the sweater to his brother across town, who had been in the laundry business for an even longer time, and who might have a clue as to the method of removal of this extraordinarily persistent stain.
The elder Wong brother would rush it through at no extra charge, and should have it looking as white and clean as new by Friday. So on Friday I went back to Wong’s to pick up my sweater, but when I arrived, Mr. Wong regretfully informed me that his brother, too, had failed to remove the red blotch.
“No charge,” said Wong, “but you must take sweater elsewhere to clean. The Moral: … Two Wongs cannot make a white.” 😱😁😎
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.”
Answer: “Manhattan Murder Mystery” (1993)
Allen’s wife is played by Diane Keaton, who gets involved in solving a murder. She is assisted by Alan Alda, resulting in jealousy on the part of her husband. Not one of Allen’s best, but still watchable.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Sir, would you mind taking your feet off the table and put your shoes on, please?” “Yeah, I would mind. I’m havin’ a bad night.”
Friday’s Quizzler is….
“I know we should have called the police,” Eric Wembly admitted as he nursed a bump on the back of his head. “But the kidnapper said he’d kill my brother if we did. And it’s not like we couldn’t afford the ransom.”
John Wembly, the elder son of Jonas Wembly, had been missing since Tuesday. On Wednesday morning, a lone kidnapper telephoned the mansion and made his demands. The younger Wembly son, Eric, was to bring the money in unmarked bills in a duffel bag. He was to take a specific route from the mansion, parking in a downtown lot and carrying the bag through an alley to a drop site in a nearby park.
The normally cheap Jonas Wembly was frantic and willingly agreed to the terms. A midnight pay-off. Half a million dollars. And no police.
“I was halfway through the alley,” Eric testified, “when I heard footsteps. Before I could turn around I was hit on the head. I fell down. But it didn’t quite knock me out. I could see his back by the light of a street lamp. Never got to see his front. He was running away with the duffel bag. A tall guy with white sneakers. He was wearing blue jeans and a dark cardigan. Sorry I can’t be more specific.”
In the case’s one lucky break, a police officer came across Eric shortly after the attack. He called in the crime and a patrol car responded immediately. Two suspicious-looking characters were apprehended in the vicinity, both resembling Eric’s description.
“So, I was running,” Petey Bordon said angrily. He had been found two blocks from the attack and started running as soon as he saw the patrol car. Petey had a string of priors, all misdemeanors. “I’m on parole,” he admitted, “And I was carrying a knife — for my own protection at night. That’s a violation. Can you wonder why I ran away?”
The second suspect was Arnie Acker, a homeless drifter. “I wasn’t even wearing this sweater,” he protested as he unbuttoned his moth-eaten cardigan. “I picked it out of the garbage just before you guys pulled me in.”
“We didn’t find money on either one of ’em,” the chief of police told Jonas Wembly. “And we didn’t find the duffel bag. But I got a pretty good idea what happened. Don’t worry. We’ll get your son back.”
Who kidnapped John Wembly?
Answer: Eric Wembly.
Eric’s testimony about the cardigan sweater gave him away. If Eric saw his attacker only from the rear, as he claimed, then it would have been impossible to tell if he was wearing a cardigan or a pullover. Eric was obviously lying.
Eric eventually confessed, admitting that he and John had staged the entire kidnapping scene in order to extract money from their cheap father.
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
How is failure represented in the rebus below?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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