Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


Old Age……
OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just get played out
OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just go from bar to bar
OLD NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS never die, they just go off-line
OLD NUMERICAL ANALYSTS never die, they just get disarrayed
OLD OWLS never die, they just don’t give a hoot
OLD PACIFISTS never die, they just go to peaces
OLD PARADOXES never die, they just become enigmas
OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they get sent to the old focus home
OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they just stop developing
OLD PILOTS never die, they just buzz off
OLD PILOTS never die, they just go to a higher plane
OLD PLANETS never die, they just lose their attraction
OLD PLASTIC never dies, they just recycle it
OLD PLUMBERS never die, they just go down the drain
OLD POLICEMEN never die, they just cop out  Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPYTUESDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!  

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y   “We confide in our strength, without boasting of it; we respect that of others, without fearing it.”- Thomas Jefferson

“There are two kinds of light–the glow thatilluminates, and the glare that obscures.”- James Thurber

“You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.”- Ray Bradbury  

“A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.” -Lisa Kirk

“Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own short-comings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people’s characters.” –Margaret Halsey

“Since childhood is a time when kids prepare to be grown ups, I think it makes a lot of sense to completely traumatize your children. Gets ’em ready for the real world” –George Carlin      

G u a r a n t e e d   t o   R o l l  Y o u r   E y e s
A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, “Hello!” Her face was beaming.  He gave her that “who are you look,” and couldn’t remember ever having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. “Look,” she said “I’m really sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children,” and walked out of the store.The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, “What is the world coming to? Here is an attractivewoman who can’t keep track of who fathers her children!” Then he got a little panicky. “I don’t remember her,” he thought, but MAYBE..during one of the fraternity parties he had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her child! He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, “Are youthe girl I met at a party in college and then we had a little too much to drink and spent the night together but I never called you again afterward?” “No”, she said with a horrified look on her face. “I’m your son’s Sunday School teacher.” 😱😳😁😎

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”    “I wonder how such a degenerated person ever reached a position of authority in the Army Medical Corps.”  “He was drafted.”

Answer: MASH This hit comedy tells the story of the 4077 M.A.S.H. unit (Mobile Army Surgical Hospital) during the Korean War and chief surgeons Capt. Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce (Donald Sutherland) and Capt. John Francis “Trapper John” McIntyre (Elliott Gould). Hawkeye and Trapper John are crack surgeons but lousy soldiers. In this scene, by-the-book head nurse Maj. Margaret “Hot Lips” O’Houlihan (Sally Kellerman) gets some opinions on nurses’ physical attributes, drinking and bedtime arrangements. After Hawkeye leaves, she asks line one and the resident religious officer Father Mulcahy (Rene Auberjonois) replies with line two. In the 1971 Academy Awards, formerly blacklisted writer Ring Lardner, Jr. won the Oscar for Best Screenplay. This signified a significant shift in Hollywood politics since Lardner, Jr. had refused to cooperate with the House Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC) during the Senator Joseph McCarthy era and was fined and jailed. He was not the first blacklisted writer to subsequently write a screenplay under his own name, but he was the first (after the blacklist) to be voted an Oscar winner by his peers. “MASH” was also nominated for four other Academy Awards, including Best Picture (but lost to “Patton”). This movie inspired the hugely successful American TV series M*A*S*H, which ran for 11 seasons. Its final episode was watched by a record 125 million viewers, which was the largest audience ever to watch a single television show.  

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????“I am big. It’s the movies that got small.”

Monday’s Quizzler is….​Hidden below you will find five uncommon titles to five classic novels. Can you decipher them?
1. Vanished with the Tempest
2. Enmity of the Globes
3. Dinky Maidens
4. A Chronicle of a Couple of Municipalities
5. Contention and Conciliation

Answer:  1. They all have holes2. They all have shells3. They are all kinds of bears4. They are all kinds of drops5. They are all kinds of bars  

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……. Two numbers are given in each sentence that need to be replaced by words. Each word is an anagram of the other – each word can be formed by rearranging the letters in the other word. Based on the clues given in each sentence, do your best to figure out what the two words are. The numbers given in each sentence indicate the number of letters in each word. Take your time on these puzzles, as they are pretty tough. If you can answer more than 10 of them correctly, you’re a true anagram guru!

  1. We had driven over a (4) to find a restaurant that served key (4) pie.
  2. Read further, and you’ll see that he (4) on the (4) of March.
  3. I love fruits, especially (6) and sour (6)!
  4. The raised (4) (4) listeners by making it possible for the crowd to see the speaker.
  5. It is amazing how Joe (4) his (4) through his opponent’s guard to land a punch.
  6. Her face became (4) when she thought that he was going to (4) from the balcony.
  7. What a (4) life the gangster did (4).
  8. He used a special (4) to break into the safe and make off with the (4).
  9. He did not (6) vision in his right eye after the damage to his (6).
  10. The prisoner used a (4) to wear down the bars in his cell. He hoped to escape in time, as he did not look forward to (4) in prison.
  11. The (5) bit her when she leaned against the (5) tree.
  12. The (7) professor disliked the young genius, and tried to make it difficult for her to move (7) in her studies.
  13. That man with (4) does not need his (4) to walk ; it conceals a weapon.
  14. The hero removed his (4) and began to (4) back and forth, trying to think of a way to stop the villain.
  15. Fear was (4) among the people during the forest (4).
  16. This movie is filled with blood and (4), (4) I am turning it off.
  17. A true (4) always wears colorful clothing ; not something (4) like you’re wearing today.
  18. You could hear the (5) playing in the distance as they carried the casket across the (5).
  19. He began to (4) over the (4) that he would be hanging from in a few minutes.
  20. As he began to (4) the cards, he prayed that it was not discovered that the gold he had wagered was actually painted (4).

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:http://www.slampi.org, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.

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