Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!



Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.
I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?
When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder Why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
Why Isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?    Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREATMONDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!  

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y   Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. Woody Allen

Some guy hit my fender and I said “be fruitful and multiply” but not in those words.Woody Allen

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.  Joseph HellerIn Catch-22.

Some people say there is a God; others say there is no God. The truth probably lies somewhere in between. W.B. Yeats

Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I don’t like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that. Bill Shankly 

G u a r a n t e e d   t o   R o l l  Y o u r   E y e s
A lawyer’s dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop andsteals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demandpayment for the meat from the dog’s owner?” The lawyer answers, “Absolutely.”
“Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.”The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher,having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.  Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation. 😳😁😎

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”    “You’re a real live outlaw, aren’t ya?”  “Well, I may be an outlaw darlin’, but you’re the one stealing my heart.”  

Answer:  Thelma and LouiseThis movie tells the story of two best friends who decide to break out of their normal boring lives by taking a road trip. At a country and western dance club Louise (Susan Sarandon) shoots and kills a man attempting to rape her friend Thelma (Geena Davis). Instead of going to the police immediately (and probably being charged with justifiable homicide) they decide to run, and things escalate from there. Along the way they pick up hitchhiker J.D. (Brad Pitt), who tells them he is a student studying “human nature,” but who is really a petty criminal. In this scene in Thelma’s motel room, J.D. confesses to Thelma he is really a robber (he looks down on being a mere burglar). An incredulous Thelma says line one, and sweet talking J.D. replies with line two. In the 1992 Academy Awards “Thelma and Louise” won an Oscar for Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen. Geena Davis, Susan Sarandon and director Ridley Scott were also nominated for awards but didn’t win. This was the movie that turned Brad Pitt into a big star. A casting decision that almost happened: Goldie Hawn and Meryl Streep wanted to make a movie together and “Thelma and Louise” was one of the scripts they considered. Ultimately, they decided to star in the 1992 movie “Death Becomes Her” instead.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???? “I wonder how such a degenerated person ever reached a position of authority in the Army Medical Corps.”  “He was drafted.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​ Can you uncover what each group of three has in common?
1. doughnutnotebookgolf course
2. turtlepeanutoyster
3. brownpolarKodiak
4. coughtearrain
5. soapgranolacandy
Answer:   1. They all have holes
2. They all have shells
3. They are all kinds of bears
4. They are all kinds of drops
5. They are all kinds of bars

Monday’s Quizzler is……. Hidden below you will find five uncommon titles to five classic novels. Can you decipher them?
1. Vanished with the Tempest
2. Enmity of the Globes
3. Dinky Maidens
4. A Chronicle of a Couple of Municipalities
5. Contention and Conciliation

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at, WEBSITE LINKS:,, THIS BOOK OUT online at, The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.

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