WELCOME to FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 18, 2020
Truly stupid people…..
Top honors for “Human Projectile of the Month” go to an as-of-yet unidentified dude who is also a serious contender for the annual “Darwin Award”. That prestigious prize is given posthumously to the person who does the human gene pool the greatest service by removing himself from it in the most extraordinarily stupid fashion.
Troopers from the Arizona Highway Patrol got on to this gallant if not brainless form of ballistic research after motorists reported some mysterious scorched and blackened scars on a stretch of deserted highway.
The more officers found, the stranger the case got. Here is what they “pieced” together:
JATO units are basically huge canisters of solid rocket fuel used to achieve “Jet Assisted Take Off”, typically lifting big transport planes into the air from short, rough ground runways, or shooting overloaded planes from the decks of aircraft carriers.
They were not, repeat NOT, designed to augment the inherent boost factor of a 1967 Chevy Impala. But it is guessed that — let’s call him “Zippy” —- didn’t know that when he hooked one up to his ride.
He apparently chose his runway carefully, selecting a nice long, lonely piece of straight highway in good repair. Not guessing that he might need a bit more than five miles of zoom surface, Zippy’s test track had, that far down the track, a gentle rise on a sloping turn. He kicked the tire, lit the fire, ran his Chev up to top cruising speed, and hit the ignition. Investigators know exactly where this happened, judging from the extended patch of burned and melted asphalt.
The pocket calculator boys figure Zip reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, punching the Chevy to “well in excess of 350 miles per hour” and continued at “full burn” for another 20 to 25 seconds. Early in that little sprint, at roughly 2.5 miles down the road, the Human Hydro Shock stood on the brakes, melting them completely, blowing the tires and rapidly reducing all four skins to liquefied trails on the pavement.
Remember that little rise on the turn? That’s where Zippy concluded his land speed record attempt and went for airborne honors, ultimately reaching an altitude of 125 feet and still climbing when his flight was abruptly terminated. We’ll never know how far or how high he might have gone. A cliff face of solid rock kind of got in his way, posing a serious reaffirmation of the law of physics vis-a-vis two chunks of matter cannot occupy the same space at the same time. He gave it hell though, blasting a 6-foot crater. The best modern forensic science could do was ID the car’s make and model year. As for Zippy, only trace evidence of bone, teeth, and hair were found in the crater.
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT WEEKEND people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.Mark Twain
Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.Benjamin Franklin
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.Mae West
Biologically speaking, if something bites you, it is more likely to be female.Desmond Morris
But a lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.George Bernard Shaw
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.Socrates
G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s
The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until the first time. Their Pre-meeting Statement wanted to make this clear before they had their first meeting, so that it would not be un or confusing. So their first meeting willactually be their first meeting and they will not have a meeting before the first meeting. This should avoid having people show up for their first meeting before it is held, since todo so would be confusing to those who did so and this is what they want to avoid byreducing the confusion and lessening the repetition. 😱😳😁😎
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” “I want to say one word to you. Just one word.” “Yes, sir.”
Answer: The GraduateIn the events leading up to this scene, Benjamin Braddock (Dustin Hoffman) has just graduated from college and his proud parents are hosting a cocktail party to show him off to their friends. However, Benjamin really isn’t sure what he wants to do with his life. In this scene at the party, one of the guests (Walter Brooke) says line one to Benjamin and he replies with line two with a very serious look. The one word the guest says (“Plastics”) is one of the famous lines from this movie. In the 1968 Academy Awards “The Graduate” won one Oscar (Best Director for Mike Nichols) and was nominated for six others, including Best Picture (but lost to “In the Heat of the Night”). Dustin Hoffman, Anne Bancroft and Katharine Ross were nominated for awards but didn’t win.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???? “You’re a real live outlaw, aren’t ya?” “Well, I may be an outlaw darlin’, but you’re the one stealing my heart.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is…. Three women (Dana, Barbara, & Ellen) and two men (Ben & Max) went to dinner at their favorite restaurant to celebrate the engagement of two of their friends. Each ordered a different entree (shrimp & pasta, chicken cordon bleu, vegetable medley, fillet mignon, & NY strip steak), and a different dessert (fudge cake, vanilla ice cream, apple crisp, chocolate cream pie, & strawberry parfait). Can you determine each person’s full name and what entree and dessert they ordered?
1) Nobody’s first name starts with the same letter as their last name.
2) Klein and Bronson are dating.
3) Ms. Mathers is a vegetarian.
4) The 5 friends are the man who ordered fudge cake, the one who ordered chicken cordon bleu, Ellen, the woman who ordered fillet mignon, and Mr. Klein (who ordered ice cream).
5) Mr. Klein and Dana shared their desserts.
6) Delaney and Ruiz are engaged. Neither of them ordered beef.
7) Ben does not care for chocolate and is allergic to strawberries.
8) Delaney did not order chocolate cream pie or apple crisp for dessert.
9) Ben and Ruiz have been friends since high school, and were laughing over dinner about how they have always liked the same girls, until Barbara came along.
Answer: Max Ruiz ordered shrimp & pasta and fudge cake.Barbara Delaney ordered chicken cordon bleu and strawberry parfait.Ellen Mathers ordered the vegetable medley and chocolate cream pie.Ben Klein ordered NY strip steak and vanilla ice cream.Dana Bronson ordered fillet mignon and apple crisp.
Friday’s Quizzler is……. Can you uncover what each group of three has in common?
1. doughnutnotebookgolf course
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:http://www.slampi.org, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.