WELCOME to WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 18, 2020

Steven Wright………..

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

How young can you die of old age?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.

On the other hand… You have different fingers.

I can levitate birds. No one cares.

Women… Can’t live with ’em… Can’t shoot ’em.

Today I dialed a wrong number… The other person said, “Hello?” And
I said, “Hello, could I speak to Joey?”… They said, “Uh… I don’t think so…
he’s only 2 months old.” I said, “I’ll wait.”

I got up one morning and couldn’t find my socks, so I called Information.
She said, “Hello, Information.” I said, “I can’t find my socks.” She said,
“They’re behind the couch.” And they were!

Last week I bought a new phone. I took it out of the box, hooked it up
to the wall… Pressed redial. The phone had a nervous breakdown.

I got an answering machine for my phone. Now when I’m not home and
somebody calls me up, they hear a recording of a busy signal.
I like to leave messages before the beep.

I don’t like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my
fish tank. I can’t hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this
[[[]]][[]][[[[. I go down to the pet store — “Gimme another ten guppies,
I got a lotta calls yesterday.”

I bought a self-learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went
to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.

I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards.
I erased all of the records. When I returned them to my friend, he said,
“Hey, these records are all blank.”

I got tired of calling the movies to listen to what is playing so I bought the album.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL
WEDNESDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

All good things must come to an end. English Proverb

Honesty is the best policy. English Proverb

If you are patient in one moment of anger,
you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. Chinese Proverb

The grass is always greener
on the other side of the fence. American Proverb

Better die with honor than live in shame. English Proverb

A clear conscience is a soft pillow. German Proverb

You can’t have your cake and eat it too. American Proverb

G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s!
Two green beans were crossing the highway when one of them was hit by a truck.
His buddy scraped him up and rushed him to the hospital. After hours of surgery the
doctor came in and said, “I have good news and bad news.” The green bean started
to rejoice and the doctor said, “The good news is that he’s going to live…
The bad news is he’ll be a vegetable for the rest of his life.” 😳😁😎

Tuesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world he didn’t exist”

Answer: The Usual Suspects
In “The Usual Suspects” (1995) a boat has been destroyed and all the criminals on board are dead… except one, Roger “Verbal” Kint. The key to solving this mystery lies with him. And so begins the interrogation of Kint who proceeds to weave a convincing though twisted and convoluted story that you, the viewer, marvel at. Well have you have been deceived? Kint uses the above line when he introduces the Keyser Soze into his story, an almost mythical underworld figure that is akin to the boogeyman, a figure that parents may invoke upon their children should they misbehave. But who is this Keyser Soze? Is it Kint? Is it Kobayashi? As the interrogator Dave Kujan says; “Convince me, and tell every last detail.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Miss Jean Louise, stand up. Your father’s passing.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….​
Imagine you are in a sinking rowboat surrounded by sharks. How would you survive?

Answer: Stop imagining!😏

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
Unscramble the words below and follow the instructions in parentheses.

1. REDE (Take the 3rd letter)
2. SAVEREB (Take the 4th letter)
3. HERSWS (Take the 5th letter)
4. OSINB (Take the 4th letter)
5. SOMEO (Take the 4th letter)
6. LETANPOE (Take the 5th letter)

Now unscramble the letters you got to find your answer.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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