WELCOME to FRIDAY MARCH 5, 2021
More Weekend Punography…
With great reflexes comes great response-ability.
What do you do with chemists when they die? Barium!
How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.
An expensive laxative will give you a run for your money.
I have a broken barometer that I need to sell. No pressure.
Nuns wear the same outfit every day. Must be a habit, I guess.
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
I can only remember 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay. He woke up!
If it’s cold, stay close to others. Otherwise you might feel a bit ice-olated.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. I should have put it on aloha setting.
Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game? All the fans left!
I’m not sure if my ceiling is the best in the world, but it’s definitely up there.
You’ll never guess who I bumped into on the way to the opticians! Everyone.
To whoever stole my broken bathroom scale, you’ll never get a weigh with it.
Have you ever tried blindfolded archery? You don’t know what you’re missing.
I lift weights only on Saturday and Sunday because Monday to Friday are weak days.
Why are fish the easiest animals to weight? Because they come with their own scales.
I started a business selling yachts in my attic. Sails have gone through the roof.
I wouldn’t let my children go to see the orchestra. There’s too much sax and violins.
I told my wife I felt like a deck of cards and she said she’d deal with me later.
I have a weird talent where I can tell what’s inside a wrapped present. It’s a gift.
Did you hear about the English teacher who went to jail? She got a full sentence.
The Pentagon was originally going to be a square, but the contractor kept cutting corners.
What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up? The mean increases.
I’m a perfectionist with a procrastinator complex. Someday I’m going to be awesome.
My partner’s name is David, so we named our son Harley. This way he’s Harley, David’s son.
I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles. My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
Have a GREAT WEEKEND people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
Smile today because tomorrow
could be worse. ~Anonymous
A balanced diet means a cupcake
in each hand. ~Anonymous
You’re born free then you’re
taxed to death. ~Anonymous
He who wakes up early yawns
all day long. ~Anonymous
I’m not lazy, I’m just
very relaxed. ~Anonymous
Those who snore always fall
asleep first. ~Anonymous
Stupidity is far more fascinating
than intelligence, after all, intelligence
has its limits. ~Anonymous
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A chicken walked into a public library, marched up to the desk, and said, “Book, book, book, book.”
So the librarian handed the bird a book, the chicken accepted it, and then left.
Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, threw the book on the desk, and said, “Book, book, book, book.”
Once again the librarian handed the chicken another book, the chicken accepted it, and then left.
Ten minutes later, the chicken was back again. Once again it marched up to the librarian, threw the book on the desk, then said, “Book, book, book, book.”
The librarian handed the chicken a third book but this time she decided to follow the bird.
She watched the chicken hurry down the street and stop at a pond just off Main Street, where there was a frog sitting on a lily pad.
The chicken showed the book to the frog but the frog just shook its head and said, “Read it, read it, read it, read it.” 😳
Thursdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“On second thought, let’s not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.”
Answer: “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”
As a true “Python” fanatic, this is one of my favorite films of all time, and I feel it is a travesty beyond comprehension that it never received any Acadamy Award wins, or even nominations! Oh well. Some mysteries of life can never be explained. If perchance you are partial to all things “Python”, go see the Broadway musical “Spamalot”, which is based (or “lovingly ripped off from”) the film. Excellent adaptation! Along with Chapman, the film starred (and was written by) John Cleese, Eric Idle, Terry Gilliam, Michael Palin and Terry Jones. Gilliam and Jones also shared directing credits.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Sir, would you mind taking your feet off the table and put your shoes on, please?””Yeah, I would mind. I’m havin’ a bad night.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is….
On July 7th, I had a most unusual day. I woke up at exactly 7:07, stumbled to my refrigerator and had a 7up. I got dressed, went downstairs, and caught the number 7 bus to go to my office on 77th street. While sitting in my office on the 7th floor, it dawned on me how my day was going so I called my bookie and placed a $777 bet on the number 7 horse in the seventh race, whose name was Seventh Heaven, to win.
Do you know what happened?
Answer: He came in 7th.
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Fill in the answers to the clues by using all the syllables. The number to be used is in parentheses.
AD AR ECH ISH IST MON O SUG TLE TUR TYP
- Sweetener (2)
- Keyboard user (2)
- Sound reflection (2)
- Tortoise’s kin (2)
- Chide (3)
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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